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Oh yes. I have a toddler and always feel like I’m failing at something. I’ve worked hard to establish boundaries - leaving early for daycare pickup, saying no to pitches, and helping my team work as smart and efficient as possible to avoid nights and weekends for everyone. Momming and advertising are a hard combo. Some of my boundaries are prob going to hurt my career growth but I know I can’t do everything and I’d rather feel like a good mom than a good worker bee
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I worked very hard and very fast and did a lot less chatting and lunching and whatnot. And then I left at 6 every damned day. Was that leaning back? No. I got shit done. I consider that superhero level work, not less than good work.
What an old mentor said to me when I was pregnant: “you’ll get better at your a job when you’re a mom.”
I thought she was nuts but she’s right... I don’t call what I do now leaning back but I finally see what I used to waste so much time doing (overthinking, redoing, revising unnecessarily...) I’m so much better at focusing on what will change the outcome and actually make a difference, everything else is a waste of time. Do your job smart and get the hell out on time!
I went hard at first. To prove I was still a great producer. I regret it. I’m leaning back more now and no one seems to even notice. So lean back:)
This is me. Came back from leave guns blazing working my ass off burning myself out. About a year back and now leaning back and don't think it's effecting my product so agree!
I didn’t lean back for 10 years after my first was born but I left last year to take a sabbatical. Looking to get back to less stressful work. One thing a lot of people don’t talk about is that it gets harder to be away as kids get older. When kids are in daycare/preschool/early school there really is a village looking out for them. But as they get older, problems get harder and there are fewer people willing to swoop in to help and kids only want their mom or dad. I’m glad I built the career I did but I’m also glad I was able to get a package to leave. I was commuting to the city and I won’t do that anymore(at least not every day). Preteen/teenage years are too hard to not be close by
A wise woman once told me you want to bust your ass when they’re younger because that’s when anyone can take care of them. Not to be cold, but it’s kind of true. When they’re angsty teenagers slamming doors and dealing with wild emotions- that’s when you want to be around.
I think about it all the time.
Also how long have you been back since baby? It definitely takes a minute to figure out your new reality!! Don’t be too hard on yourself. But yes agree with the above - I’ve become more efficient, become even better at delegating, and feel like I’m leaning pretty far back while people don’t seem to notice.
I’m still out on maternity leave after my first. Confession- I can’t wait to go back/ start daycare!! Stay at home life is way harder, props to all the moms out there!!
I’m the exact opposite. Never thought I’d want to stay home and now I cry thinking about leaving my kid.
I’ve definitely leaned back. Before kids, I would stay all night to get everything done. Now with two kids under 2, I just make it the best I can make it within 9-5 because I don’t have any other time. I’m alway dealing with the guilt of thinking I could have done something better now but it is what it is... I’ve said no to a lot of travel and new business pitches with exec teams. I know it’s hurting my chances to be promoted to the next level, but it is what it is.
Totally agree with senior vp1. My boss told me I was more focused after baby. And to reiterate what others have said, I’ve leaned back and no one notices. I think I am scattered and frantic and failing and people just see me doing my job. I do think it’s more About focusing your time and energy. Every day i try to walk away feeling confident that I contributed in a way that someone (not everyone) could say “man I’m glad she’s part of this team”. Read strengthfinders if you haven’t. It’s about focusing on your strengths, hone those and use them, then people won’t focus on your weaknesses. You can’t do it all and it took two toddlers for me to realize that’s ok. It’s still so hard, when things get busy and I’m working on a project I’m passionate about, I want to lean in sooo much. And sometimes I do and I think if this makes me happy, then do it, the kids will see me happy. But if it doesn’t contribute to my well being, lean the f out. 😁
Becoming a mother gives you superhero powers, like multi tasking, dealing with (people who act like ) toddlers and shit situations ;). So chin up, you got this. Lean in when you can and back out when you need to focus on being mom.
Should prob also mention that I'm in new biz...
Constantly! It took me nearly a year of therapy to reconcile doing more in the time I have than working 50+ hours a week.
I’ve leaned back and then back in. I’ve turned down full time work in favor of more flexible hours. I still work hard as a freelancer on long term projects that allow me to be part of the team. Sometimes I wish I could find a more permanent job that offers flex time. But until then, I’m staying freelance.