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Hello folks,
Looking for some honest advice. Considering an offer with SocGen B’lore for Specialist Software Engineer position with 5.5 years exp and into Tech service management. Could you please tell me a bit about following points?
- 25% of the compensation(5Lakhs) is Variable. Does company even pay 60% of it at the end of the year if you perform say 4/5 rating?
- What is an average annual hike that the firm gives?
- How is the work culture and LGBTQ inclusionpolicy? Société Générale
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Longest dry spell? Single people only!
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If he asks you for money to pay his mom’s rent, I bet he will never stop asking for money.
A few thoughts:
Relationship wise:
I would think about what budget you’d be comfortable spending each month / week / date with him, and leave it at that. No need to overthink it.
Find dates that don’t involve a lot of money or where he can take a lead. Cook at home, find free days or discounted days to a museum, outdoor events, idk where you live or what options there but it doesn’t always need to be an expensive dinner (you’re not saying that, I know, but the reality is that if this turns into a long term relationship this will tell you if you can have a good time without the wining and dining).
For you:
Focus on the values you see in him. Like others said, is he responsible? Kind? Caring? Can he support himself on his limited budget?
Long term:
Would you be okay making more? Personally, as a woman, I am okay and I am doing so in my own marriage. It’s a weird pressure sometimes (something I don’t think women are really raised to consider - feel the pressure of supporting another person) but it’s fine.
It doesn't matter that he's broke now, it matters if he stays broke.
I like him, I don’t want money to get in the way. Honestly I earn enough to support a whole family very comfortably. I just don’t want to be taken advantage of. I tend to be very kind with the people who are close to me, so I suppose I am just telling myself to be a bit careful
Is he at least hot? Otherwise I don’t see this relationship as worth it.
Get a man not a kid
Not worth worrying about until it happens, op. Don’t self sabotage your relationship without warrant.
How much does he earn? Look at his spending habits like has he reduced discretionary spending to cover for his mum’s rent? Thats a responsible behavior. Also whats stopping him from trying for a job with higher pay - even an additional 1K per month is an extra money. Has he been thinking about ways he can improve his situation ?
Thats a good start OP. Also you guys only have been dating for 4 months. I would recommend don’t pay for his share of rent/ major expenses. Going on cheaper dates is fine. You don’t have to over extend yourself for a guy you only know for so long. Give him emotional support, encourage him to pursue a better job etc. and observe. Observe what he does and doesn’t do. Give yourself a couple more months to just feel it out. You’ll know if he is actively trying to change his situation or not. Then decide. Don’t overthink this too much right now
Chief
Is a man’s worth just in the money he makes? It’s 2022 people and there’s a shocking amount of regressive thinking on this thread. I’m seeing people (not OP) with a sense of entitlement to a traditional man who provides the money. What the hell for?? Are you a traditional woman who cooks, cleans, and stays at home? We’re always complaining that men are paid more than women it’s not fair blah blah but then we’ll only date men who make more than us? Make it make sense!
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Do you see yourselves being with this guy long term? How would you feel if he stays at his income level forever? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being with someone who makes less, I make a lot more than my husband and he contributes to the relationship differently that I feel like we are equals. But I went into the relationship knowing it is how it’s going to be. If you are investing in a relationship while hoping that he would eventually be more driven and ambitious, you will likely regret your decision later.
THIS. The last sentence here says everything.
Watch the Tinder Swindler. Then decide
Hahaha … well he’s not flashy at all so at least he’s not pretending to be something he’s not
I told him that he can talk to me about anything (and I am picking up the cheque when we go to restaurants or cafes… nothing expensive). One awful thought I am not having though is… does he see me as a potential money pot? I don’t want to think this as he’s a really nice guy…
Just don’t pay for anything for his mom or his personal expenses. A couple of dinners here and there are ok. You can do free stuff around town on dates. Like go on a walk, picnics where you can buy stuff from the grocery store like sandwiches etc. , wine etc. there are free museum days.
It’s ok if he’s broke but pays for 100% of his stuff not to do with you. He needs to also pay for some of the stuff when on a date with you even if it’s really small. Do not loan to him or pay for anything that’s not related to a date. Just speaking from experience.
Does he know how much you make? Does he spend beyond his means or he just doesn’t make enough? I wouldn’t be comfortable lending him money or anything unless you really like the guy + it’s a one off emergency with a realistic plan of how he’d pay you back. I don’t think your responsibility at this point comes anywhere close to lending him money though. You should just be cognizant of the cost of activities you’re picking /chipping in if dating you seems to be an expense he can’t afford.
He doesn’t know how much, but I live in a very nice apartment and have designer clothes… so I think he has gauged the sort of salary band I am in.
He doesn’t spend beyond his means at all.
I am trying to do cheaper/ free stuff with him, but I also want to do some stuff where it’s would be expensive but sort of free for me (eg I have loads of hotel points and air miles… I can easily book a weekend break for free basically).
OP! You’ve only known each other for 4 months. I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending money on a man whom I just met, including paying for meals at restaurants. Where’s the pride? How is he going to tell his mom with his chin up that he found rent money from his new girlfriend? A man has to have some pride. It’s a bad habit to be asking for money. How does he even find courage to ask? Amazing!
Watch a documentary on Netflix called BAD VEGAN!
Don’t let him clean your bank account.
@ OP: it does not work in long term .
Why?