Hi, I am a woman, 38 y.o. I was never obsessed with the idea of kids. However I never saw myself child free either. I thought I could still do it till I reach 43. Recently I had an AMH hormone test. The result was very low. I feel overwhelmed, I keep thinking about it and it makes me cry. My mind is telling me that I need to give up on all my interests and life plans and just give birth at all costs now. I am single, all my relatives are abroad. It feels like I am going crazy... What to do?

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Oh, my poor friend. Welcome to the betrayal of our ovaries that went and got old while we still feel young. The good news is that a good bit of this is just egg quality, which does drop dramatically after age 35. The pregnancy itself isn’t as bad. If you can afford to, I would definitely look into freezing eggs ASAP to buy yourself some more time to decide if you want kids (and with whom). You’ll need to bank more eggs for a good chance at converting to a fetus (it’s just a numbers game, sadly), and then it’s another numbers game to go to live birth (but much better chances than the egg game!).

Sending lots of support. This journey is so hard, and it’s so weird to feel like the choice has been taken from you when you still feel young and vital.

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So they’re right that freezing embraces easier because you can test them for euploid and stop when you have a few good ones. With just eggs, you’ve still got several steps to go. But if you don’t have someone you want to be the father, eggs may be the way to go if you want to delay that part.

I’m certainly not a doctor myself, so there may be a chance for you to still conceive naturally. Definitely don’t give up on that method- they’ll want you to try for 6 months anyway to deem you as having difficulty conceiving.

Whatever you’re choosing, I’m rooting for you.

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I agree re: freezing your eggs asap. I have embryos from age 36. I was going through IVF at age 39 and then had to pause for other healthcare issues. I need to wait at least a year, so best case I’ll be 40-41 when we pick back up. My doctor emphasized the embryo’s age is most important and my uterus getting one year older is not as much of a concern.

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My doctor has never mentioned an age limit, not when I froze the embryos or when I returned for IVF. But I have heard some clinics have limits. Some of that is to keep their own success stats high vs. a genuine medical justification. At 38 you shouldn’t have any issues though.

My clinic has a money back guarantee program for women under 42. They encourage donor eggs after that age. So yes, I echo freezing for now, and deprioritize work/ prioritize processing your feelings, goals, and meeting the right person if you so wish.

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So true about deprioritizing work. Work has been taking so much time and energy that there was almost no space for myself after that:( And good to hear that your clinic has an age limit of 42, and for example not 40. It gives some hope.
Meeting the right person was always my key criteria for having a child. But seems like the current state of things requires some pivot. I try not to get into a victim mindset but it's hard when I realise that most men don't need even a marriage, let alone kids. It feels like kids are only my business which I need to fix myself.

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What is your AMH?

Hi OP - read this book called “it starts with an egg”. I was like you, where I considered myself to be a healthy person with a healthy lifestyle. This book recommends so many micro habits that are easy to adopt, that can potentially improve egg quality.

For reference, I am 37 and we retrieved 14 eggs (not the highest) but got 5 embryos from them. It’s very hard to say whether anything from the book contributed, but I at least had the peace of mind that I tried my best.

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