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The folks who are saying “stay home” sound like they don’t have experience in exactly what that looks like.
Among other things, it looks like becoming the default parent, and choosing a division of labor in your home that is very difficult if not impossible to undo. Like, I know a dad with a SAHM spouse who once turned to another dad at a party and asked what preschool his 3rd child attends. This is extreme, but the mental load of being a SAHM is no joke. It looks like baby #2 or #3 coming along and 1 year turning into 5. It looks like long, lonely days and nights as your partner feels the pressure to double down at work because he’s the sole provider. It looks like needing a miracle to get back into the work force down the road if you want to or when a need arises—private school for a special needs child, husband getting laid off, or God forbid something worse. It looks like having zero leverage or political capital at a new job when you have young children and want to be an involved parent. Best case scenerio, returning to the practice of law looks like being 45 and being treated like a 3rd year associate because you’ve been out of the game and have zero clients or clout.
IMO the best option is a super reduced schedule and a full-time nanny so you can work very little and hang with your baby a lot. I’m farther along in my parenting journey and have seen how the SAHM thing plays out, and there are enormous downsides.
This is a word! This is almost exactly my experience.
I would stay home. You never get that time back and the legal profession will always be there.
I second this. I would stay home.
I just asked my work to go reduced hours today. I wish I could stay home with our little one full-time.
I felt ready to go back by about 6 months, knowing my kids are cared for full time by my husband. I wanted to have adult conversations and to progress my career. The monotony of baby days was getting to me by that 6 month point.
Stay home! Why rush back to work unless you absolutely have to?
Definitely stay home. I got six months, which was great, but getting a year would’ve been amazing!! I would have probably done 18 months if I could’ve chosen, though
Wow - where do you get six months?
I personally would do six months. I only got 9 weeks with my first and it was devastating. With the second and third, I got 4.5 months which felt much better, but could have stayed out a bit longer. The SAH life is not for me and my two longer leaves confirmed that for me. I adore my children and love being a parent, but I also enjoy and take fulfillment from my work. I am lucky enough to almost exclusively WFH, so I am able to spend my mornings and evenings with my kids, and I am pretty firm with my boundaries around those times.
Ultimately, it is up to you and what feels right. None of us know what that is for you and your family. But don’t let some perceived notion of what you “should want” as a woman dictate what you actually want and what actually makes sense for you.
I had the option to stay home permanently once my child was born, but I knew before giving birth that I wanted to go back to work. I’m currently at home on maternity leave and nothing has ever made me more certain that being a stay at home mom is not the right choice for me. I love my child, but the domestic realm is not where I thrive and the full time caretaking role is just not fulfilling enough for me.
that would be amazing. I’m going back now at 5 months and it’s really tough.
Pro
I would take the year. Maybe a year and a half. I’m home with my kids now as a staycation and it is awesome.
If I’d had the option to stay home, I would have.
To be clear — is the stay home option to WORK from home?
Honestly? As someone who ended up doing the SAHM thing for 5+ years, if I had to do it again I wouldn’t go more than 18 months. In our case unfortunately 18 months was the start of Covid, so all plans were thrown off. Going back after that many years has been rough, you basically end up having to start from scratch, even with 10+ years of experience.
We get 12-18 months here and by the time you go back, you’re ready. Most associates and partners take the year and never regret it. The ones that take less do. Take the year. Take the two.