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Hi Fishes, Can Anyone please tell, one of my friend joined Tech M in August, At the time of joining she was 3 months pregnant and now shes worrying about her manager. She wants to inform them about her pregnancy; is it right time to inform? Or she needs to wait for 6 more months for that to inform? Anyone please clearify.. HCL Technologies Newco Tata Consultancy Accenture Deloitte
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This is so hard…2 of my 3 were Velcro babies and I felt touched out, burned out, etc. I had help from my husband and mom to intentionally give me time away and strengthen their bond with both of them. The other is super chill and hopefully your baby will be, too.
Filling their cup is important, but it needs to be more than just you. Ideally someone they should have a healthy relationship with in addition to you and they can spend 1:1 time while you get some time apart. Someone who will stick with it even when they scream “I don’t like you, daddy/nana!” just because they don’t want to leave you.
My husband either left with my Velcro babies (2 of my 3) or I left for a few hours every Saturday. He took one of them grocery shopping every week. The other one loved going to a park. It wasn’t always exciting stuff and didn’t usually cost anything. Eventually Saturday breakfasts or shopping with dad became a ritual and I could sleep in or have a little time to myself, even when they stayed home.
My parents live close, so they spent time with the oldest 1:1 for a few hours at a time every few weeks when the 2nd baby came. Short version, it was good for everyone then and in the long run.
The book Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler helped with better communication with the toddler. Figuring out a 3 year old with a new baby was much harder than having a new baby (you’re already experienced with that).
Ask for help and take one day or moment at a time.
His dad has stayed home with him the last 2 years, so he gets tons of dad 1:1 time. My husband sticks through it even though he wants mama everything. Before baby, I'd get up with him every morning before work, then do bath, read books, and be the one to put him down every night.
Now dad's been on toddler duty, so he'll do bath and bed every night, any night time wake-ups, and get up with him in the morning. And I do the same for baby. I'm nursing and baby's not taking bottles, so can't easily switch. But I make an effort to give him special time.
He's definitely chilling out over time, but still seems like a disregulated mess no matter how much time I put in 1:1. My husband describes him like a sponge, he'll soak up all my attention. It's never enough.
Mine were never THAT severe, but I’m going to echo EY1, there needs to be someone else giving them 1 on 1 time. My husband was very nervous with our first, which resulted in me being the default for everything. When our daughter was a little over a year old I had to travel for work for the first time. Him being the sole provider for 5 days changed A LOT. He realized he was capable and she realized there was someone else that she could rely on. It might not need to be as dramatic as leaving for 5 days, but it needs to be a significant amount of time that shows him there are other reliable people in his life.
His dad has been a stay at home dad for a large chunk of his life. He gets tons of his time 😭
Meanwhile the man gets told to "go away", hit, angry screams, push him away.... constantly.
We've had lots of talks of speaking kindly to dad lately.... seems to be helping some now that he's old enough to understand.
Ok. Its definitely adjustment. Our experience has been they cry in beginning but after 5 minutes they forget and are fine. Just thought maybe its an idea to get use to other people.
My 1 year old is exactly this and screams like she’s injured about 50% of the time I set her down. Won’t sleep in a crib most of the time 😭. Wish I had advice for you.
We didn't co sleep, not that we wouldn't have, but he wanted to only sleep on top of me while I sat upright. He would scream and cry bloody murder if he ever saw me lay down, he only grew out of that less than a year ago. That's obviously not viable, so even though it was brutal to get him to settle, he always went in his own crib.
How old is your toddler?
2 years 9 months
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My friends who are pregnant are all experiencing velcro moments with their other kids. Reassurance that your relationship will remain the same even with a little brother may help.
Brother had been here 4 months already.
Have you thought about daycare?
We tried daycare when he was an infant and it went horrible. He'd scream the ENTIRE day. We thought he'd adjust if we gave it enough time, but he did not. In daycares, they dont really hold babies I found out. And that's all he wanted. So we pulled him out eventually and my husband stayed home with him.
But we do plan to start MDO in the fall this year