I feel like I am being bullied at work by a higher up. My boss quit and they sent another person in to "help". This person has been throwing his authority around and making small things big things. Today, he sent me an an email attacking me because I inquired about something related to something he asked me to do. When I replied defensively, he said, don't be so defensive, no one is attacking you. See below:

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I was so upset that I was in tears. He could have easily asked me what I was working on instead of accusing me of doing something other than what I had been asked to do. I have to see him tomorrow as he plans to visit, and I don't know how it is going to go. He's going to want to talk and I do not want to even speak to him. I am a very direct and to the point person. I do not play these games of skirting around a subject. I am a very assertive person and they feel that my directness and assertiveness is being defensive. I have never been treated so badly and as invaluable as I have been the past couple months. I don't even know how to approach this. Or even if I should or if I just should start looking for somewhere else to move on. Anyone have thoughts or suggestions they care to share?

I’m sorry that this happened but if you are a direct person, then I would start this conversation with this new “higher up“ with that statement. I understand you feel like you were being called on the carpet for something but come from curious. If you’re direct and you tell him look, you can be direct with me I’d like to be direct with you and start our communication that way and see if it works for us. Then you should say “I need all of what you’re looking for with this project,bullet it out for me and let me try and get it done for you.
If you follow what he gives you and he comes back and says no, you didn’t do it the way that I wanted you to then he’s changing the rules as he goes along, be aware of that.

I would honestly back off and give him a minute. With him recently coming in to help has he had enough time to completely settle in and get to know everyone? If not, they need time to adjust. Don’t get me wrong, they are definitely doing it in the wrong way, but there is a small chance that, they are trying to step into a leadership role and just don’t know how to respectfully do so. On the other hand, this may just be the kind of person they are. In that case, if they are here to stay, I would start looking for another job. But has there been enough time to differentiate between the two? In the meantime, if you continue as you are, you are going to continue to get the same type of reaction. I know that’s annoying because I am the same way and I hate not being able to be myself, but in the long run it’s going to help minimize the bullying you are feeling. I don’t work in the same type of field as you, but when dealing with people like that you pretty much have to manipulate them into having a positive opinion of you if you want to stay and grow with the company. If you don’t love your company, then I would move on.

First off, I want to tell you that what you are feeling is legit. This is a massive change and a huge impact to your daily life.

Second of All, you are currently in flight, fight, or fawn mode right now. This is also legit and a totally healthy reaction. However, in order to be the manager you are, we need to help bring you past the reaction stage to a respond stage.

1) you need your 8 hours of sleep. If that means a cup of chamomile tea and a hot shower. Please take care of yourself.

2) I tell my students that if they don’t pretend to “enjoy” taking the exam, they will have a better outcome.

tomorrow is going to be a new day. And a new day means that the best things can happen. You have the opportunity to have a great conversation with someone who is trying to help you fill the void left by your boss. Hopefully meeting in person will help you understand how this person operates so that you can put this boss’ voice to the emails and how this boss intends them to be.

This situation is a possibility of filling your former boss’ position.

3) if your mind doesn’t calm down tonight and tomorrow, grab a pen/paper and write down all the questions that you have for your temp boss. Things you need clarity on and how to interpret his emails.

Tomorrow you can look at the list and formulate a plan of communication action with the boss.

These are all great perspectives. I appreciate your feedback. This person has been "helping" for a few weeks now. There's a replacement for my old boss in training right now, WITH the person helping out. The regional gives off a perspective that our financial center is a mess right now but yet we managed to win a deposit growth contest for our entire group of over 83 financial centers. We're not "on fire". We just had a poor manager prior. My team has been coming to me almost daily upset over something said or done by those taking over and I just keep trying to support the new manager coming in by suggesting that they give her a chance and realize that none of this is coming from her. Two have talked to me about quitting and I have suggested that they wait it out. But, then when they come for me like that, it's hard to be in their corner. Especially when it didn't feel like they are in mine. It is hard to jump from being first in command to second, that's been a struggle for me the last couple years but it's where I am at now. I have always had good rapport with my bosses in previous jobs and felt valued. Even when I made mistakes. It's just not the same feeling here. All of my previous bosses would take me back, no question. So, it's hard to be in a spot where you don't feel valued or that your experience is valid. I am just disappointed that this new career opportunity has not been as positive as I had hoped for and that the initial hospitality I felt now feels like it was a show.

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