I keep work interactions strictly professional with everyone at the office and keep my personal life out of work conversations at all times. My manager asked me if I don’t feel comfortable sharing things with him? Ummm… sir, I have a therapist to talk about my personal life with. Why do you care what I’m doing over the weekends 🧐. That’s suspicious.

likefunny
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Part of managing people and getting to know them. There’s nothing suspicious about it. Share what you’re comfortable with and don’t what you’re not. There’s no harm in building relationships with the people you’re working with.

likesmart

This is the way. Basics - hobbies, important people in your life, school affiliations, teams, sports you like. OP can be known benignly as “the guy who likes to snowboard” instead of “aloof weirdo.”

Of course - NEVER share mental health issues unless it’s impacting your performance. Everyone expects that people will need some space after death of a loved one, major health problem, child’s birth etc.

likesmarthelpful
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Suspicious are the people that are unable to bring their whole selves anywhere they go, and resort to splitting their personalities, other people notice that you are not authentic in your interactions. It’s a big indicator of underlying personality disorders.

likefunnysmart

Not sharing is probably why you got promoted. I don’t think that work is the place to share personal things. You don’t know what one person considers basic vs what another does. Bring your professional self to work.

likefunny

Asking what you did over the weekend is a super normal question for your manager to ask. You don’t have to give a detailed answer of everything you did.

You thinking that’s suspicious, is suspicious.

“I went to a bar with some friends. How about you?” You don’t need to share that bar was actually a strip club and you were doing bumps in the bathroom.

likefunnyhelpful

As hard as you imagine, it's normal

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Harder to manipulate people you don’t know much about 🤔

likefunnysmart

I completely agree. but it also depends on the manager‘s personality. if the manager is generous, and wants tje best for the team, then it’s fine. Bur soem people just want to know informatiom for the sake of manipulating others to get wht tjey want.

I’d suggest rethinking your view for two reasons: 1) if in the US, polite meaningless small talk is a cultural norm. No, your manager doesn’t care about what you did and I know people from other cultures sometimes find the interaction fake and insincere, but the cultural norm is for when your manager sees you on Monday for them to say “Hey OP, anything exciting this weekend?” And for you to say “nothing big just watched the game/hung out with friends/gathered information for the IRGC/whatever”. Either too secretive a reaction or too detailed a response is outside cultural norms (unless they ask follow ups).

For more genuine conversations, I’d suggest finding some personal things that you can share. If you are good at your work, you need to be building a network of people that think positively about you. Five years from now, if you are looking for a job, you want to be able to call them and BS about the Steelers again so they think back to the fun discussions you had when you were working together.

I don’t really understand all the it will be used against you comments. Someone please explain. You aren’t going to tell them about your mental health issues. Will they somehow use the fact that you have a sister in Jersey, love Indiana football, or really like watching shark tank against you?

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do people here realize you can choose who to share with and who not to share with, you can be close to some coworkers and not close to others depending on how well you get along with them

if you think your manager is the type to backstab and be an awful person outside of work it’s fine to withhold and put on a facade but if they’re amazing people and you know you’d get along with them outside of work, or even better yet have hung out outside of work then by all means go for it

do people not understand nuance idgi

likesmart

This is very much a mindset. It might have short term gains, but it just shows how little trust you all have as a team. For a firm that values building trust, this is definitely going backwards. We build trust by sharing who we are, what we do and what we care about. It’s basic human alignment on incentives. But if your team weaponizes this against you - THATS AN HR RED FLAG AND YOU SHOULD REPORT IT RIGHT AWAY.

like

If people are sharing with you and you’re not sharing back, that might simply imply you have different outlooks on work communications and closeness with colleagues. I wouldn’t look at it as someone trying to manipulate you. That feels needlessly negative in an environment where someone is likely just trying to show care.

Btw, I think it’s totally fine to just say “I’m a very private person, but please know that I appreciate our interactions and enjoy it here.”

likehelpful

"Please know that I appreciate our interactions" is not how normal people talk, though.

likefunny

Good grief, being authentic as a human being is a good thing in all situations, personally and professionally. What are you all so worried about? Are your personal lives really in need of protection? Everybody, take a deep breath. When did general friendliness become such a threat?

like

Why so suspicious? Small talk is friendliness and is really important for building relationships at work. You can be friendly with your boss and colleagues without revealing too much private information. Being affable is a key attribute of any good consultant, whether with clients or colleagues.

like

Just make up stuff and share that

likefunny

This is top tier bait

likefunny

IJKYB hahaha, because that's how we are 😆

like

There's a balance between being over personal and sharing enough to have a mutually beneficial working relationship. You don't have to be a closed off robot.

like

Just have a kid. Then you can say, I went to a 3 year olds birthday party, the zoo and managed to watch 30 minutes of football on a Sunday. Do that twenty times and they will start to realize your weekend is not very exciting.

I don’t think it’s weird for a manager to ask about your personal life. And it isn’t weird for someone to not feel comfortable talking about it. It is weird that a manager would press the issue like that.

Has your dad not taught you the importance of being a charming fellow

Has your dad not taught you the importance of being a charming fellow

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