I manage a small team and recently had a direct report leave, and it honestly surprised me. In our 1:1s she always said things were going great and I really thought we had a close, trusting dynamic. In the exit conversation she shared she'd been struggling for a while but didn’t know how to raise it, which has been hard to sit with. It’s made me question how much 1:1s actually reveal and what more I could have done to make it feel safer to be honest. Curious how others have experienced this.

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It’s all on you. If you can’t notice that your employee is struggling in a small team, you’re a terrible manager. There are no excuses.

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This is really helpful, thank you. I like the idea of being more intentional about setting expectations for 1:1s instead of assuming people will automatically open up. Also, the point about leading with vulnerability especially resonates.

I think the best thing to foster “safety” in 1:1s is to be mindful of how you speak to and about your direct reports outside of the 1:1s. If you’re on email threads/meetings and they make a statement that someone shuts down, try to have your direct report’s back. If they know that you’re on their team in all areas of work, it will lead to a lot more candor when you meet just the two of you.

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That’s a good point. I do feel like I always have my team’s back, that’s just how I operate, but you’re right that psychological safety is built in all the small moments, not just in 1:1s. It’s still a helpful reminder as I reflect on this.

I have a great manager and I enjoy my job, but I wouldn’t indicate I was leaving until I already had a signed offer.

Perhaps also remember that not everyone is capable of being honest with what they are struggling with & it could be a case that your company were not able to offer them the growth they wanted. It isn’t always about the manager

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Sometimes it’s easier to say that you were struggling than to admit that you changed jobs for the money and promotion. Especially if you’re close with your boss

That’s a really good point. It’s probably easier and less awkward to say someone was struggling than to admit they’re leaving for money or a bigger role, especially when there’s a good relationship with the manager. Thinking about it that way helps make more sense of the gap between the 1:1 conversations and the exit discussion.

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