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Safe to see friends this weekend?
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Anyone have a good therapist in MA?
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If someone was exhibiting opinions like that I wouldn't care what my friends had to say. I wouldn't put up with that anyway. There are a lot of people who have been led into a dark place thanks to social media and various things on the internet. But I don't know if you can really reform that.
👏🏼
Rising Star
I would re-think trying to repair my marriage to that person.
If they are racist and cheating, you may want to think about if you should keep this spouse. Definitely don’t bring your spouse to hang out with that friend.
If you want to fix your marriage, you will likely do so without the support of your friends. If you don't want to be married you'll likely find great support from the friends who are hurt by the comments your spouse has made.
Racist comments can’t be tolerated. Who’d want to be in a marriage with a person who is overtly racist, or not overtly racist but racist non the less. Why do people put up with this bc if you put up w it, you endorse it.
Ugh that is a really hard position to be in OP. I would probably try to go to therapy and talk to my spouse. However things like that are often so deeply rooted in ones core that even therapy cannot help. If this happened after a separation I would probably end the marriage but that is just me.
I think that would depend on what the definition of homophobic/racist/antisemetic is in this case. There have been some lines redrawn around definitions based on feelings, not on actual facts. Because someone may not agree with a lifestyle doesn't make them anti-whatever. That's the first thing I'd do: I really examine the remarks and classify them. Do they really express hate towards a group or individual, or is it just a dislike of something. Those are wildly different and social media, and this younger generation has used their feelings as a measurement. That is not how the court system works. We deal in facts, not feelings. Leave the feelings to the therapist.
Second, if you're asking this question, it sounds like you are either ashamed, embarrassed, or just don't want to be married to this person. Your reasons are your own. You have no obligation to stay married to someone you don't want to, especially someone you don't like. The base of any great lasting marriage is friendship.
Then there's the peer pressure of things. Are you allowing others to dictate how you should feel and think because of your ethnic background? If so, those aren't friends. No one should ever place guilt on you unless you earned it by acting or doing something shitty.
You need to see a therapist for yourself to talk some things out. Then a marriage counselor. See where you're at.
@Intel Corporation 1, out of curiosity, which group are you in? I’m going to assume you live in AZ. Based on some of your comments, I don’t think we work in the same group, but I’m curious.
Rising Star
Interesting how many people here have easily assumed that the OP is a female and the person being talked about is a male, when there is no fact/basis to assume that way based on the post. And using this inherent biases or illogical assumptions to villify and blame men. In the case of one person, it seems to be plain hatred against men as the person still persisted with the OP being a female despite others highlighting it. Lol.
Shocked that this set of people includes attorney and school teacher who should be more aware of such biases and should ideally be educating people about it. Not sure how much value one can place on the advice provided by people with such inherent biases or illogical assumptions.
What were they like when you were dating? I’d say something to him and take this into consideration as I contemplated going back, but I have very little tolerance for this type of stupidity in ppl.