Is anyone else just so tired of the double standards for women in this industry? I had a guest tell my manager I seemed “cold” because I didn’t laugh at his jokes literally while I was juggling a 5-table section and running food. But when I do smile or try to be extra nice, suddenly I’m “too flirty” or “asking for attention.” I’m just trying to do my damn job without having to manage other people’s projections on top of it. How do you stay sane dealing with this constant tightrope?

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You don’t. You set boundaries, stop catering to fragile egos, and if someone can’t handle a professional woman doing her job without smiling like a flight attendant, that’s their problem. I’m done softening myself to make men more comfortable.

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I mean, it's really tough. I make better tips than my male counterparts a lot of the time, but I also have to deal with this. Even if customers aren't being outright flirtatious, they still act entitled to my time and attention while I'm trying to help dozens of other people. It can be a drain, and sometimes I'm just so tired of it I want to go into something else completely. But the money is good, so I stick around.

Double standards are tough everywhere. I agree with AM1. You make your boundaries and stick with it. You do whatever YOU are comfortable with. I do think that smiling helps with tips though.

I’m not disagreeing, but I’m also not really sure how it is for male servers. I’d assume they have to put up with some nonsense too. That being said, we are always going to have somebody that isn’t happy with something. Not smiling enough, too much smiling, it’s just always something when you work with people.

I get told I'm rude constantly I just have a dry humor though and dark humor I treat everyone the same I'm there to do my job not make friends

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