Is there a meaningful difference between the following two ways to start a cross examination question: 1. Did you or did you not…?; or 2. Would you agree with me if I said…? I feel like it’s more of stylistic choice, no?

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I guess it depends on the context, but I wouldn’t do either. I just make statements and raise my voice at the end like it’s a question. Or I might add “right?”

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Or, alternatively, they start word vomiting trying to explain around it and you stand there, look around, check your watch, finally look back up at the witness “so that’s a yes to my question?”

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These aren't true cross examination questions. A good CX is just a series of statements that you know or otherwise can prove are true and to which the witness must agree to avoid looking dumb or being impeached.

Your name is Mary.
You used to be a neighbor of John.
You were in the room just now when John testified.
You heard John's testimony of X.
You were in the room with John when X happened.
You saw John do A.
You saw John do B.
You saw C happen.
You didn't tell John to stop.
You didn't make any phone calls while John was doing X.

Etc.

You are the one telling the story and you're just getting them to say "yes" at the end of each of your sentences.

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I was taught that you want to just ask leading questions unless you are fishing for specific information. However most of the time, you should already know the witness’s answer before you ask.

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It ain’t about persuading the witness, its about forcing them to concede, step by step walking right into your trap. You make them agree that A=B, drag them down to admit B=C, then watch them squirm to try and deny that A=C. At that point it doesn’t matter, the jury already knows.

Don’t make it about agreeing with you, it’s about demonstrating their story doesn’t hold water

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Definitely never ask for the conclusion that you’ve led the fact finder ineluctably to reach. The witness won’t agree and will find a way to muddy the waters, spoiling your good work.

There's no uniform rules or script for the best way to ask a question at a depo. How you ask a question depends on your style, how the witness answers questions generally, how the witness answered the question you just asked, and what information you need from them

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