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Bought Carnival this morning. May God help me.
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Your husband should be the one managing this. And frankly if his response isn’t that his parents don’t get to see the baby for awhile since they can’t respect the most basic of boundaries then you also have a husband problem.
100% stand with this position.
My MIL did the same, “oh sorry I kissed her, I forgot!” I hate confrontation and my MIL is very sensitive, so I just minimized the chances for her to hold the baby and then whenever she did hold the baby I watched like a hawk and literally stood next to her. Not ideal, but for me it was okay because she only was at our house for brief visits, and the newborn stage is short. Can you try just deferring to your pediatrician? “Sorry, our doctor said this was important and we’re following their advice” may allow you to put the blame on a third party.
Your job is to protect your baby. If anyone is upset… let them. However, maybe pull up the risks and show them and let your IL know that it’s not personal and you’re so grateful that they love your baby…. but you would be devastated if your newborn got sick. It’s very serious.
Your husband should be stepping up and enforcing this rule too. Apparently, he isn't because it sounds like your in-laws' ire is directed solely at you.
Ugh. I am so sorry. They are both way out of line. Not that it matters, but I heartily support you holding the line!
Really glad your husband is on board. Strongly suggest he speak to them at length about the way they just handled the situation and expectations in the future. This is not their child, and they need to honor and respect your decisions and limits, without you needing to submit evidence in support of your position. FIL seemed to let a little misogyny creep in with that “you need to calm down” comment (i.e., women are overly emotional). In some ways, this is a gift: it offers an opportunity early in your new life as parents to explicitly draw the line. I worry if this is week 3 behavior, without correction it could devolve to more pronounced “forgetting” your rules/limits for your kids and dismissing your concerns as “needing to calm down”. Who says that to a brand new sleep deprived mom who is naturally wired right now to see ALL the risks for her beautiful tiny baby? I guess someone very upset his wife is very upset…? Suggest when he broaches it, your husband starts by asking (with curiosity, not judgement) what happened, why they behaved the way they did.
Again, so sorry, because these aren’t easy convos to have.
I think you could legitimately bail on Thanksgiving (too early to be exposed to groups of people, on advice of pediatrician). That is certainly what I was told. 😉
Good luck and hang in there. You are right to make the best choices you can prioritizing the best interests of your little one.
In case it hasn't been said, if you have a 3 week old you are certainly within normal range of acting protective, and the people shouting or huffing at a recently post partum mother need to learn how to calm down... Getting to see your child is a privilege, you don't owe it to them unless you're living at their house (maybe).
Personally, my 3 week old wouldn’t be at any thanksgiving or holiday gathering. Especially not during this season. Opt out. Your baby is irreplaceable.
Ugh, my dad’s new wife keeps doing this — it is so hard. We made everybody wear masks for a while which prevented that early on, but I don’t know how to deal with it now either.