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One thing that may help is giving him more choices (or more perceived choices). Things like ‘do you want to read this book or that one before bed?’ - whether to go to bed isn’t a choice but which book is a choice he can make. All throughout the day, you can find places where small choices can be made available that will make your son feel more in control of his day. We also have days where the kids choose what we all have for dinner or what game we play. In terms of books, my kids liked Gritty Ninja and Breathe like Bear. For parents, How to Talk so Kids will Listen and The Explosive Child.
I’ll second this. We give our 3 yo as much choice as we can even if it’s not really a choice. If he doesn’t want to go to bed: do you want mommy or daddy to do bedtime, brush teeth first or potty first, etc. It doesn’t always work but it’s often enough of a distraction.
Sometimes the answer is just flat no and we try not say “because I said so” and give him a reason. I think that can help with the frustration because even if they don’t understand they hear that there is a reason and you aren’t just making them do something because you want to.
Just want to post in solidarity. I’m currently working with my second (4yo) on how to be ok with taking ‘no’ for an answer. KPMG had some great ideas that we’re also implementing. Worked with our first one well, but it was a challenging time.
IMO it's a perspective thing. He gets the fun things in his life because he listens to you, so in fact it is fun to listen to you. I would just tie each unfun thing he has to do to the fun things he gets to do. Not sure if he'll get it at 5yo and if he does it will likely need to be repeated and re-explained, but it's a good early lesson in that we all have to give something to get something.
Make sure to phrase it the positive way (cmon buddy once you do this we can do *fun thing* at *designated time*. Yes, I promise we'll do it. ) and not the negative way (if you don't do this now you get time out). I guess to tie it back to his quotes, think of ways to give him choices once he satisfies certain conditions. He gets to pick his poison, he doesn't get to choose not to take it. Just like the adults. So you can not do the things you're supposed to do (brushing your teeth putting your toys away, etc) , but that also means no playtime, no new toys, no McD's, etc
I’ve gone through this with 4 kids. Below is my quick take which may or may not work for you.
I agree with presenting a child with 2-3 options that are ok with you. At the same time I think it’s important to have a few “red line” things that aren’t choices. When they get frustrated acknowledge their frustration and guide them through how to handle it effectively.