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I showed this exchange to my 18-year-old daughter and asked if she would like to weigh in. This is her typing:
As someone who dresses both more conservatively and "provocatively" (i.e. crop tops, low cut tops, mini skirts, etc), it was and still is very important for me to be able to pick and choose what I wear. To tell your daughter that she can't wear clothes that she feels comfortable in is to take away the right to make choices for her body. It's not a matter of whether or not you trust your daughter but rather you trust the world and the men where she exists with her clothing choices. Telling her she can't wear crop tops is to uphold the over-sexualization of young girl's bodies, it would be more harmful for her to hear from her father that she has to cover up but rather she should be hearing about how to accept herself and make choices that she feels comfortable in this world with
I took on a different approach with my 16 year old. I let her wear whatever she wanted a few times while we were out in public. Prior to heading out, I told her that I was going to point out men that were looking at her with “the look”. She was disgusted by the looks she drew. Afterward we talked about the issue. I told her that she should not be ashamed of her body and should wear whatever she is comfortable wearing. However, most men’s minds work differently than a woman’s and 90% of the time their minds are full of inappropriate thoughts. Is that the way it should be? Absolutely not. But that’s reality. She started dressing more conservatively afterward. Was my approach the right way to address the situation? Maybe, maybe not. I sure hope it was. Good luck OP.
As a separated father of two teenage girls, 18 and 15, I trust my daughters to not impose my sense of fashion, propriety or expectations on how they dress. I am comfortable in their ability to think and behave and act appropriately even when, at times, I have thought their clothes could be a bit more conservative. Are you overthinking the outfit? Focus on her as a whole and also acknowledge a lot of outward manifestations is also both growing up as an individual from being a child. Can you begin to trust her judgement?
I don’t “trust the world and the men where she exists with”...that’s my point. Again, I don’t trust your daughter’s 17 year old brain either.
Your child’s views and inputs are super important, but they are one of many factors that parents have to consider in their duties of making decisions when fathering and mothering. Raising independent kids is the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean they run the show in every instance.
I would not ask an Associate to tell me what fee he thinks is right to charge for her time on a proposal—she doesn’t have the experience I do to make such decisions despite being the person who is going to do the work.
I think you can set some standards. Father of super young kid here, so not dealing with this. But my thought is she can wear whatever she wants when she goes to college and you’re not around.
But at the moment you can still give her advice. Persons the age of 17 routinely make poor choices and are scientifically proven to have have poor judgment so I really don’t get this “can’t you trust her that trashy clothes are a good look?” No...they just aren’t.
I’m not sure how you broach the convo, but all I can say is we have friends with a daughter the same age and when they come over and she’s got these shorts on that are so short all my spouse and I can say to each other after they leave is “I can’t believe they allow her to dress like that...”
to each their own parenting styles, some inherited and some acquired. best wishes.