Related Posts
What hacks do you use to lose weight?
More Posts
Enthusiast
Conversation Starter
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
Sign Up to see all discussions
- Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
- Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
- Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
"" is an unusual email domain. If correct, please proceed to the next step
Messaging rates may apply
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Share
Embed this post
Copy and paste embed code on your site
Preview
Download the
Fishbowl app
Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile
Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl
Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl
Messaging rates may apply
It's a tricky balance in this season of life. I'm in a similar spot with my parents right now too. Is your mom only talking to you about her issues, or is she talking to different friends & family members regularly? I recommend encouraging her to a therapist if she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. If she does have others, you can tell her that you appreciate the updates, but it feels overwhelming to you, and maybe she will spend more time talking to others in her life. I know that there have been some family members I have gradually talked to less for this very reason. I absorb their stress, and it's too much for me. I wish you peace and wisdom for setting kind, clear boundaries with your mom.
Thank you very much. My mom also talks with my siblings as far as I know. I've never had a really close relationship with her so for me it's painful to read her messages and for now, I'm just limiting my communication and even delaying reading her WhatsApp texts.
Setting boundaries is sooooo important, especially when it comes to your mental health. I would say I am so sorry but I don't have the capacity to hear that today, however, I would still love to chat about other thing.
You're right. Thank you. I'll try to think how to say this in a text since that's how we communicate mainly.
My mother is advanced age and our phone conversations center around her unhappiness on her own behalf. This is probably a horrible answer and I'm probably a horrible person, but I let her talk on the phone and I play non-demanding phone games while I listen. It actually seems to help her a lot and it doesn't hurt me much.
I'm sorry you are in a similar situation. I don't think you're a terrible person. I'm honestly just avoiding my family's WhatsApp group and delaying reading my mom's messages until I feel like I can take them a bit better. I just don't want to feel like she just uses me to vent when in fact, what she says affects me negatively for days.
I know and I understand how you feel because I've been there when pops was still alive. It's not just my mom that was stressed out but the entire family because of the feud within my mom's siblings that has been going on for years. As the eldest grandchild I became the reservoir of all the negative emotions. I can't deal with my own personal problems because I have to deal with theirs first. I just raised my hand and told my mom that I am tired and that I need to move on. I will provide them with everything they need with the best that I can without compromising my own priorities. My mom understood. Moms always will. So just talk to her. It will work.
Thank you. I think I need to figure out how to tell my mom. We've never had a very close relationship. When I was young she was all about not showing too many emotions and being stoic. Nowadays she wants to be all sentimental and I just can't stand it (as terrible as this may sound).
I think you need to find a nice way to tell your mom, mom I would love to listen to you but you have been very negative lately let's talk about some positive things going on. Maybe she really isn't noticing what she is doing and is just trying to vent bc she has no one to talk to. Maybe she needs to find someone to talk to as well.
Thank you. I've been thinking about the fact that she may need to find someone whom she can talk to. I hope I can gently tell her that.
Oh no! I know exactly how you feel. There's so much inner conflict because you feel like you're being selfish but also sometimes the load is too much too carry. Maybe you can set aside one or two days out the week to talk to her and let her vent then be to yourself the rest of them time to figure out your own stuff
Thank you. Yes, I feel conflicted. I think I need to establish more boundaries. I'm hesitant to set aside time like you suggested because historically, my mom tends to abuse such things a little, meaning that she will try to make me talk to her more and more so this is why I keep my distance (I'm not the type to text or call daily but I keep in touch on the most important and special occasions just like they raised me to do).
Hey there. I'm sorry to hear that about your Grandma. I totally understand you and your mom where you both are coming from. I know you want to be there for your mom during this difficult situation but you can't pour from an empty cup. I follow this page on instagram, it's called @findyourshinetherapy and they had a post about that says "Responses for if you are unable to meet someone's needs". I could just attach the photo but I'm unable to do so for some reason. So I'l just type it here. #1 "I can't commit to that right now. Can we work to find a compromise?" #2 "I hear you have a need for ___. I hear that, and I have a need for ___. How can I find a way to honor us both?". I believe this is the healthiest way you can set your boundaries. I hope this helps.
I know setting boundaries can be tough, especially when you're setting them between family, but you've got to start sooner or later. Is there really no other relative she can turn to that could help her take care of your grandmother?
Thanks for your response. Yes, she has siblings and other relatives but my grandma's health problems have put a lot of strains on their relationship and I think they are fighting. Unfortunately, I don't know if she could feel comfortable with some of her childhood friends: I think she hasn't kept a very close relationship with them. I'll try to figure out how to set boundaries in the kindest way possible.
Thank you ❤️