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Not your circus. Not your monkey
As a human, I appreciate and understand the feelings you may have over this. I'm sorry for that. That undoubtedly doesn't feel good.
You aren't responsible for their actions, though. And as others have noted, you did your job.
You’re not responsible at all. You were doing your job. He chose to commit a crime, that had nothing to do with you. Defense work can suck but it’s really important - thank you for doing it.
Don’t feel guilty/responsible for doing your job.
That sucks. I could never zealously represent that client. I volunteer pro bono to help women get TROs against their SO. It's very rewarding. Why don't you switch sides? Might make you feel better.
You were assigned to defend the process — not the person. You did the job you were asked to do. There was a judge who made a decision removing the TRO/PRO, there was a couple who went back to living together, and there was a client who chose to beat up his wife. You didn’t make any of those decisions.
I totally understand why you feel bad, but give yourself the grace you would give someone else if they told you this story. I’m sorry this happened to you (and P).
Btw, your client is now ignoring advice, and you can absolutely refuse to take their next case, or resign this one, if you’re still in it.
Your empathy =/= your responsibility here
You have a choice in what pro bono you take on, and the clients you represent. It’s okay to say no to representations that make you uncomfortable. I also don’t feel comfortable defending clients in these types of cases.
I assume this outcome was not foreseeable to you, so please don’t blame yourself. Now you have lived experience that may inform future representations, which cases you take on, and what kinds of remedies you advocate for.
You could use this experience to shift focus to representing survivors of abuse. Your help could save lives. And you could perhaps help broker a resolution to the current matter that gets compensation and/or medical care to the survivor.
OC1: NJ assigns case. IL assigns cases. There are states that assign cases. A2 said they were in NY in which you could decline assigned cases. NY does not assign cases. That is what I was referring to.