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Why not tell her how it feels when she uses the tone? It'll be uncomfortable, but she probably doesn't hear the tone like you do.
I have this problem of not hearing my tone, but when someone tells me and repeats it back it helps give me awareness.
Talk to her boss?
The only reason I suggested it is bc she sounds unprofessional, so why not let others manage her if she cannot do her job.
i was in the same boat with my manager. leaving was the best move. easier said than done ofc.
I would talk to more senior people and to try to facilitate managing up. never worked.
some people shouldn't be managers. or you're dealing with someone that's obstinate. no shortage of either case when it comes to work.
sorry that you're dealing with this. hope you're able to improve the present situation. no shame in looking for a better fit if not.
Rising Star
Can you get assigned to a different team?