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This may sound cheesy, but the real riches in life are spending time with your kids. You live to your salary and while money is nice, you probably will have a happier and more fulfilled life by choosing to create boundaries to be more present for the little humans who actually matter. So good for you for being a great person.
Single mom here and the travel or unexpected late nights kill me bc I just can’t. But one thing I’ve come to terms with is I need to find the right client and agency so I can keep advancing bc I don’t want to plateau. There are agencies that fully support adults (by that I mean they trust us to get our jobs done and don’t monitor where we do that job... on the train to daycare pick-up or after the kids go to sleep)... and working on local clients to minimize travel.
It’s not easy to make all that happen but it’s out there.
I know that everyone's story is different, but i was only a media sup when I had my first child(ren) (twins) and I have managed to push forward. What I've learned actually is that in recent years especially, men are even more supportive of working moms (at least that's what I've experienced) because a lot of the senior level men that I've been working with are also involved dads and know that their wives would kill them if they weren't supportive themselves. I have 4 children now (an an infant at that) and I make it a point to try to balance work and my kids and won't allow anyone to make excuses for anything if it relates to the choice to have kids. Be strong and know that not everyone out there has the mom bias. But also do what feels right to you in your situation.
I don’t have any answers for you except to say I feel you: It is so, so, so hard. There are many women for whom becoming a mom doesn’t hinder career growth at all- those women either make the choice to be less present in their children’s lives, or (much less often) are in extremely supportive environments. More often than not, the pull to be a great, present and engaged mom is a disqualifier for meaningful growth. I have been pretty successful but nowhere near where I think I deserve to be, should be, or want to be. I look at women who have catapulted in their careers and most of them are making major sacrifices at home (as men have done for millennia, and still do).
I feel the same. I feel I’m not being given good projects or being placed in good accounts because I am a mom. I also tend to think that I won’t progress in my career anymore unless I kill myself by completely ruining my mental health because of juggling too hard between work and family. That is why I am not having a second child, to avoid getting this situation even worse.
It’s interesting that we belong to the same company, which has been voted as one of the best companies for working moms... But I feel it’s more like “We will give you flexibility if you are ok to do the boring job because you are not going to be able to handle the good ones”
It’s good to know I am not alone
It’s hard to compare to people who post their salaries out of context... that being said, it’s also hard to find agencies that value parents, but they do exist. At my place, of course I have to travel sometimes out of the city, but I always try to condense as much as possible, and ensure I get some face time with my kids. But we negotiate hard to minimize and optimize travel with clients.
That being said, I’ve never allowed myself to undercut my salary expectations because of a “parent penalty”. I’ve actually used it to negotiate harder. I provide for a family and for a company, damn straight I’m getting my fair share. But I make sure every dollar they invest in me is well spent in exchange. Even if it means manspreading in a meeting and increasing the charisma and cockiness. If you can negotiate a four year old into eating their brocoli and loving it, you can negotiate anything.
You’re my hero. Thank you.
How does one stay ambitious when the men in your company, parents or not, perform the job in a way you can’t/won’t?
I feel the same, you’re not alone. I’m one of those CD who isn’t cracking $200k so I know I’m underpaid. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman, a mom, not good at ass kissing, or what. But I get to leave at 4 everyday and can work remotely when I need. Some days that’s worth the smaller paycheck. Some days I worry I screwed myself/career and my children because I “settled” for a job making $40k less than the avg salary for my title/experience.
I think it is also a reflection of the company you work for. When I had my second child, I knew for sure I was mommy tracked. Left agency, went in house and will never look back.
Nice tip. Thanks!
...I had my first child and now I’m seriously doubting whether I’ll be able to get promoted beyond where I’m at now. Not because of lack of talent or interest, but because of being a mom. My manager is constantly traveling. This alone disqualifies me. I’m in a dark place.
Don't assume those responses are a representative sample, or that people are telling the truth about salaries.
What about the posts about bashing working parents? I haven’t seen them! What are people saying?
Well said, PS1. 100% agree.