We had small kids + elder care needs; eventually I said:

"I'm working on billable hours so I can't 'just stop for a second' see here is the timer
(show computer) I am so sorry I can't stop before___(time varied)"

We also hired a granny nanny - Do you have additional help? Because if she's asking, she needs help, you're just not in a place to give it because you're at work. Both needs are totally understandable

This is hard. Sounds like both of you are working hard and still just coming up short because 3 under 3 is just HARD. If you can find a way to shift away from "I need to set a boundary with my wife" versus "I need both of us to be on the same page and be a team together" I think that would help.

I don't know your relationship dynamics or personalities so I can't really predict the best way to go about this conversation.

For me and my husband, what has worked us something along the lines of "I see that you are absolutely maxed out and I want to help more but I also feel maxed out. Can we talk about how to maybe restructure our days or our routines so that we can get everything done and take care of the kids and pay the bills and try to keep our sanity?"

Then you might need to be creative in solutions. If you have the financial resources I'd 100% suggest a part time daycare or mother's day out or mother's helper at home or meal/cleaning service (or combination).....some kind of outsourcing to reduce the load on you two.

If that's not in the cards for whatever reason, maybe discuss some of the hardest times for her during the day and see if you can pre-plan to be available those times....maybe in exchange for something else. For example, maybe you can take an extra long lunch break a few days and handle the kids while she gets a shower or takes a walk or goes to a coffee shop and sits in silence by herself. And maybe in exchange you can ask her if she could do nighttimes a day or two a week so you can either refresh on sleep or catch up on work.

I think acknowledgement that it is HARD and that she is working hard and that you want to find a way to make things better should probably go a long way. She may also be dealing with external pressures (maybe even cultural expectations that I wouldn't intuitively understand).

Wow, I find a lot of judgmental and entitled people on this post. SAHM signed up for the job of staying home and watch the kids. That is a luxury today most people cannot afford. Appreciate your husband/partner and enjoy the time with your kids.
Not everyone is fit or has the patience to SAH. Realize that and determine if that is your role. It is not your partner’s job to take away your pain points because they work from home. If they don’t perform their job they will lose it - and along with that your SAHM status.

My mom raised 9 children. 6 under 6 years old. Yes, read that again - 6 under 6 and eventually 9 under 15 years. She had her hands full and she did her very best in a time when we had 1 TV, no phones, no iPads, no electronic babysitters. She made lunches in the AM, got kids up, watched kids, did dishes, laundry, housework, made dinner, helped with homework, etc.

If she needs helps she needs to reconsider if working from home is for her. And, if her partner is available to join then for lunch great! But not as a responsibility but as an extra helper and parent to join in. Not his role to give his wife a break. She took on the role of SAHM and that is her role now.

Entitlements are exactly that - expecting something you shouldn’t get or don’t deserve.

Reading a few more of your responses and I am more convinced you shouldn’t WFH. If you truly can’t be available for even ten minutes here or there or at lunch, don’t be in the house. It’s confusing for everyone.

And please get your wife evaluated for postpartum depression also. She seems overwhelmed on a level beyond help with cleaning. She seems overwhelmed by the mental load of making decisions and creating boundaries.

I've had a home office since the early 2000s. I've had kids and grandkids both join me at my desk. They all thought it was the best thing in the world to go to work with dad/papa. I even set up their own desk and chair and would video conference with them just like I did with my clients. It kept them entertained, didn't interrupt my workday any more than John wanting to chat about his night out the night before, or his new truck, or what ever over the cube conversation takes place in your world. The most important piece is that it gave my wife and or daughters that 15-30 minute break that they needed. Also when it involved meetings with the child on my lap, it usually went over really well, and if it didn't I knew it was a client I didn't really want to hold on to.

From your post, I think you already know the answer. Set boundaries and consider bringing in outside help.
I do believe it takes a village to raise a child. It's okay to send kids to daycare or preschool where it made me a better parent because experts helped train my then toddlers how capable they were and it inspired me.

So back to the topic, simply state that between 9a - 5pm (or whatever your work hours are) that you have to focus on work except on a few days during lunch so she can have an expectation of when she can seek relief from her duties and what duties you can take over. If that is not enough then think about bringing in outside resources. My wife did it and I have to admit she's a smarter person than I in that respect. Spending time with your kids could mean those precious hours after work and before bed time and then doing the laundry after they go to bed for support. By the way my children helped throw the laundry in to the washing machine before they could talk - something I learned from their Montessori day care.

3 under 3 is hard but sounds like you're doing pretty well. Just need some small adjustments. Keep it up Dad!

Why are you asking people on Glassdoor about this? Grow up and talk to your wife, dude. Yeesh.

I have small kids... I recommend communicating and setting a "door policy". If your door is open: ok to talk/help. If your door is closed, you are busy. You just have to be honest and consistent with the door. It has worked for us.

How old are these kids? Why do you have to "lay" down with them to nap? Sounds like Super Nanny needs to pay your family a visit 🙂

Where in the house do you work? I do this to my husband all the time 🙆🏽‍♀️ but it's because he works all over the house and I have no clue when he is or is not hard at work vs can take a break. When he is actually in his office, I know he's largely unavailable.

Conversely, when I'm in my office (we built out 2 in separate bedrooms), he knows I'm at work and rarely comes in.

I think the separation of space may help with the "boundary." The rest is sitting down and calmly explaining expectations.

With 2 small kids, 5 and 3 (4 in 2 months), it was difficult in the beginning, I couldn't just step away when she needed help because I was working on a timer.
This is what we came up with back then:
. We got a couple of cameras, one for the bedroom, and one for the living room. Those helped keep an eye on them when she needed to do some quick work or go to the bathroom.
. I blocked timeslots with fake meetings so I had time to step away, and I worked after business hours to make up for the time I was away.

Eventually, we got better at organizing ourselves and time.
The kids now play alone without needing much oversight, although we always keep them within eyesight or seeing them through the cameras, and I also got more trust from my manager to the point where as long as the work is done, no one cares if I worked 4 or 8 hours.

Have you tried closing the door, or putting a sign on the door indicating that you need to be focused? You might also consider renting a community office space for the day, Try having a candid conversation with her about needing to treat your work day the same as if you were not in the house. You have an intense job that needs focus. Try simply being gentile but honest about your need for a structured day.

Well, just set the boundaries of, I'm working, so it's the same as if I'm offsite. It's what allows you to be a SAHM. Then also point out that even though you can't help during work hours, you have extra time overall really as you don't have to commute.

Delicate situation where you both need to be heard and validated. Perhaps go out to dinner away from responsibilities and discuss (without judgment - and that's the hard part) the need for extra help, and each other's roles. Personally, I would prefer getting help with household chores to concentrate on raising my kids. Regardless of preferences, the current situation is obviously not working for you and you need extra help - there is no shame in that, It's whatever works for you and your family.

My family knows if the office door is shut, then no interruptions. If the door is open or slightly cracked, then I may be able to provide some brief attention. If I step out of the office, then it's fair game.

I make it clear that everyone in the home needs to act like I am away at the office.. I'm might be physically home, but I am AT WORK! You cant come into my office job and ask me to do something for you, same rules apply at home.

It's sad how this thread became a "gender war" of sort and people making nasty assumptions of the OP because of their gender. Aren't we all professionals here? Why the emotional responses?

OP, as others have said, you might need to hire a domestic helper. You haven't exactly provided a detailed explanation, but I'm inclined to think that her share of the workload is heavier in this situation. Paid daycare is a booming industry for good reason. A toddler can be really tough to handle, let alone 3 of them. Good luck.

I can't believe you even have to explain this to your wife. It seems like common sense!!!

You’re not imagining it—the way childcare and work are structured here is unsustainable. Families are stretched so thin, and it’s no wonder conflicts spill over at home.
The scary part is, financial pressure doesn’t just stop at work—it seeps into the relationship itself. Trust, romance, even patience with each other can take a hit.
Out of curiosity I tried this AI tool that shows you exactly how stress is impacting your relationship dynamics and gives a plan to fix it. Honestly, it was eye-opening: