Any broad advice? Love my SO. Been together since college. Just every now and then wish we’d be “growing” in the same direction together. Very loving and supportive. Just now that we’re 4+ years out of school, my comp has tripled, been promoted twice, theirs is up by only inflation, and been on a PIP once, through three jobs, and promoted nowhere. I’ve stayed reasonably in shape. The SO is not totally recognizable. Kind of just thinking, how can I help this person grow? Is it wrong to feel this?

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Your SO sounds like me. I spent 5 unfruitful years of my career doing poorly at boutique firms, not knowing which direction to take myself or even how to apply myself. My girlfriend at the time was progressing fast at her B4 consulting job and getting fast tracked all the way to manager. She would often feel embarrassed when her coworker ask which teams I'm managing. She'd have to tell them that I was an associate at some unknown firm.

I loved her so much and felt her pain. Was equally frustrated by my own incompetence. Each time I tried to get my act together I would fail. The core of it was I just didn't know how to be "good". Spent years feeling lost and thinking I'd grow old to be an absolute failure. But somehow in one of my pushes, I connected with some folks that helped me into KPMG. I suddenly found inspiration in the structure of a big firm. I networked like a mad man and pushed myself in every way I could. I became a top performer and fast tracked to manager. I soon made jump to M&A and am now managing a team that does acquisitions for a multibillion dollar tech giant. I rub shoulders with C suite executives on a daily basis. Looking back I can't even begin to fathom how far I've come.

Not sure if my story helps but I think the moral here is that motivation must come from within. But a person also needs to right opportunity to realize their full potential. For me, I needed a strict corporate structure to settle into the right pace. Maybe talk to your SO and see what they really need to feel more inspired.

likehelpfulupliftingsmart

Super inspiring, thank you so much for sharing

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Talk to them.

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They aren’t going to change. If you can live like this forever without them ever changing, keep it going. Otherwise it’s time to move on. Growing together is key.

Figure out how much money and careers mean to you in a spouse.

What is broad advice?

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