Anyone else feel like *being* married is fine but *getting* married is a kind of a weird tradition?

How about the other tradition where the wife’s family pays!!!! That started bc women were financial burdens. The soon to be husband was taking the woman off the family’s hands, and the family was thanking him- similar to a dowery. This is no longer the case, as women joined the workforce, but the damn tradition still lingers!

I can sound off on this topic for hours. Also I’m a divorce attorney I feel like I need to disclose that haha

I think the wedding is a really important event. There are so few big societal events these days. Unless you are super loaded and throw lavish parties, weddings (and funerals) are the only events that bring the whole family together.

And, crucially, the wedding is an event to bind two families together. It serves an important purpose in that way. My family is from overseas so they will probably never see my wife’s family again. So it was amazing having a wedding so they could all come over and celebrate.

Finally, getting married officially (and especially legally) turns two separate people into one social unit and therefore it makes sense to announce this to society. Don’t you want people to see you get married? To be there for that special moment?

OMG YES. Sometimes I feel like the only one who thinks tradition has outlived utility. Why do couples start marriages off in so much debt just for the sake of a party?!

The process makes me nervous and anxious

I’ve been married 15 years and still one of the best days of my life 🤷🏼‍♂️ Absolutely loved our wedding, in fact I just love going to wedding in general because each one is a little different.

We had 250 people, a Catholic wedding in a beautiful cathedral, a really fun reception with tons of booze and dancing, memorable speeches and toasts, etc. Honestly we a had wonderful, wonderful time.

I’ve been to huge 400 person Catholic weddings, infinite beach weddings, even a Vegas wedding with Elvis. All of them are awesome 👍

Yes, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately trying to figure out what about the American wedding traditions actually mean anything to me and whether it’s worth the money. Taking a step back has been tricky, but my current mindset (it changes with my mood) is that none of the mainstream traditions and celebrations are things that would make me happy at all. And I happen to have a stubborn side which makes me not want to go through with any of it because spending time and money on something just because someone else or other people think you should isn’t worth it.

This is why we are going to the courthouse and heading straight to the airport from there for a honeymoon (Feb 2021). I'll wear my wedding dress to the airport in hopes to be upgraded to business class lol. I'm not paying for a super overpriced dinner for a bunch of people I may or may not care about.

I also chose not to have an expensive engagement ring. Do not see any point.

Disclaimer: it will be a 2nd marriage for both. I did not have a traditional big wedding my first time, he did.

If you’re interested in this read “I Thee Dread”, an essay by Jia Torentino. It breaks down where a lot of these traditions come from (most of them were created to market things) and the long term effects of this bizarre institution. Well worth a read!

Adventure elopement sounds very fun, also a very millennial thing to do.

Probably the only time in your life (besides your funeral) where everyone who you value the most is in the same room celebrating you (and your S/O). For this reason alone, I think it’s important

The modern wedding with enormous spending budget is a relatively new “tradition.”

I think a ceremony is important as a way to publicly make your commitment to each other in front of your family. The idea is that your family and friends are the community that will support you in your marriage. Pre-ceremony rituals are also important (e.g. premarital counseling to ensure you discuss important matters).

Whatever form the ceremony actually takes is UP TO YOU! I have been to many beautiful backyard weddings with a casual reception/party afterwards. Or a simple ceremony at City Hall.

Seems like the answer is yes for a lot of people haha

Why do people even get married? What does a paper do?

That’s why second marriages (and weddings) are so great - you only invite the people you love who love you, you pay for it yourself, you get to do EXACTLY what you want. I loved my wedding. If I could do it again every few years (to the same guy, of course), I would!

I think the tradition is by design, and still relevant today. It’s important to note that marriages are supposed to be lifelong commitments, and the barrier to entry of going through all the ceremonial wedding stuff is an appropriate rite of passage. If it were really easy to *get* married, then I’m guessing there would also be more dysfunctional ones.

No. It’s an important tradition.

My husband and I had an adventure elopement. I know, very millennial. I wouldn’t change a thing. Neither of us wanted to spend thousands of dollars on a big party. I wore a wedding dress, he wore a tux, and a good friend officiated. We went on our honeymoon the next day. Ultimately the couple should do what’s best for them and what makes them comfortable. Our favorite thing to do is travel, so we figured no better way to celebrate our love than by going on an adventure. I have a friend who dropped $100k on her wedding because that’s what she wanted. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s important to remember that different people like/want different things.

I often feel like weddings these days are designed for instagram. It’s sad that people are willing to take on debt to appeal to others in the name of “tradition”

On the contrary, I like the idea of getting married because I get to do many traditional ceremonies! I'm Chinese so during our wedding ceremony, we were to kneel in front of our parents and serve tea, to thank them for raising us and to bless our marriage. I can't wait for that day since I looove my parents and it'd make me so happy to see them being happy for me. All of this is done at home in both the houses with only close family and friends present

I don't like traditional american weddings where it's more of a show. For us, weddings place a greater emphasis on the matrimony of the two families. Usually it only comes with dinner for guests and it's pretty chill and relaxed.