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Would definitely share that it’s medical, and that you have a routine to manage the illness. And that routine involves AM and PM medical commitments. They don’t need more info than that.
The ADA exists for a reason and was fought for by people before us, to protect us. Consider that by not self identifying your condition, you’re not helping others that are also struggling with hidden illnesses. Not necessary to disclose your actual condition - that’s up to you, but for your own wellbeing, empowerment and employment protection, would recommend you disclose. I would also speak directly, one on one, to the gents about it and nip the bandwidth chatter in the bud.
If I were to generalize, most men I know wouldn’t keep working through a tough medical condition. Women are so used to it, sadly, that it becomes almost normal. Whether it’s pregnancy or endo or severe cramps or fibroids hot flashes or worse. These chuckleheads will think what they want, sadly few will ever understand.
More of my thoughts below.
Just put your appointments in your calendar as private meetings
Only way to be protected is to disclose the general medical condition to HR
& HR Only
If other people have a question, you tell them your time / bandwidth / obligations have been approved by HR.
No need to tell anyone outside of HR that you have a medical condition
You are right
People do not know how to engage with people who are sick. Or people who are caretakers for the sick.
Idk how corporate society got here when clearly so many people are sick that the medical/industry is thriving
I’m sorry you’re going through this and know that health is of course most important.
colleagues who see you take time away may speculate or feel it is unfair. But it doesn’t matter what they think or say. It is your right and obligation to take care of your health.
I had an employee who worked through chemo. She didn’t tell anyone other than me (eventually) and HR. Employees noticed her performance decline, and complained to me about it.In hindsight if people, including me, had known what was up sooner, we may have been far more understanding and patient.
Disclosing is of course up to you, but you might be surprised how much support and understanding you might get if you did. I have a couple of friends who are working full time through breast cancer treatments. They disclosed to colleagues and they have been well supported, and respected even more because they are not letting it stop them.
Whichever you decide, I wish you better health -
Just a completely different perspective to add - appreciate this is the opposite of how you feel right now. However, having an illness does not have to feel like a shameful secret and you could do it completely the other way round where you advocate for the cause in a very bold and loud manner instead. Nicola Mendelsohn at Meta has an incurable cancer and she speaks loud and clear about it publicly and I personally think that’s incredible. It’s part of her and I think it makes other women look up to her and think if she can do it and with a smile on her face, then any project is doable by a ‘healthy’ person. All the best
FWIW - these guys kind of did it before but I’d be in other meetings so folks would just ignore it. Without me being in other meetings, people are starting to notice I’m not spending 65 hours at work and it’s becoming a topic of conversation.
Yes. I have fibromyalgia and I try not to tell anyone becaues I don't want to be perceived as weak. That being said I did let HR and my manager know just in case I needed that noted in my file. Its not fun to deal with that but definitely loop everyone in who needs to know.