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Salary range of Associate Consultant in KPMG?
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Accenture strategy C2 pay?
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Rising Star
This is a great idea.
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I have been told I am too direct and too competitive. I just keep being me - folks don’t tell men that.
I try to use some words that lean toward fact and less style: I observed that ..., help me understand how both a and b can be true..., I’m confused: ..., etc. Then all I have to do is control my tone of voice. I hear you, the struggle is real. Go #bossladies!
Coach
Seen by who?
Imagine it was written by a man - being in your current position would you see it as rude and pushy but accepted because boys will be boys, or would you just see it as direct and driven?
If it’s the latter, I would’ve asked the person who said it was rude to suggest how they would rewrite it and then asked them to explain why they changed what they changed and they what really was the difference.
If it’s just a blatant sexism, I would’ve answered:
“According to Harvard research there are only two ways of being a female leader - being a bitch or a drama queen. It’s a well proven fact that women’s likeability is decreasing when she gets power, so no matter what she does it’s often seen in a negative light. Having said that, I hope you can read my email again keeping your biases in check, and if after that you can still see it as too aggressive, I would appreciate your suggestions on how I could’ve wrote it better”
Coach
I mentioned blatant sexism, there is no good way to answer to that but it’s important to show sexist where you stand and that it’s better not to mess with you.
If it’s not sexism, my first part is about trying to understand where the person is coming from
Quick kick in the gonads should work. Seriously though, this is a recurring problem for insulting women who are direct and won't play the 'be feminine, smile sweetly and be compliant' role. Ignore it and just be authentic. You can still be polite even when being direct and not taking any BS.
Coach
Also, I want to mention that I have never seen people not getting promoted because they were aggressive. However I saw many people not getting promoted because of being seen as too nice
What, specifically, was seen as pushy or aggressive? If they can’t tell you, then it is hard for you to evaluate what should change- if anything. It’s likely gendered bullshit. Don’t add softening language or over punctuate with exclamation points. Just ask for what you need/give instructions for what to do and be sure to thank folks when they do it. If I’m using softer language or exclamation points anywhere it is when I’m acknowledging someone for delivering.
Coach
Ask for specific examples/instances where they think you showed this behavior. If they have some, consider them. D1’s points around language and tone of voice are very good. If they don’t have examples, the feedback is much more likely to be BS.
Do you have the other email? If you do, I’d ask to discuss the feedback and get suggestions on how they would word it differently. I would also then ask whether the other person sending the same email would also be receiving the same feedback or suggestions.
I think you mean "male" and not "mail".
Yes, thanks fixed it
I think unfortunately you just have to play the game. I get this feedback occasionally as well, and it used to drive me CRAZY because I would be expected to remain happy and optimistic when a major vendor is dodging emails for literally 6 months and not getting us simple deliverables while no one would have my back and would let this bad behavior keep sliding.
I have to always try to put in a lot of exclamation points to try to soften any possible perceived tone. But it helps to just not care about things as much and just try to keep as neutral as possible during calls where any frustration might come out.