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It’s not about you, it’s about the kids. Remove all emotion about the other person.
+1. You’ll probably have a good outcome if the mediator believes you are acting in your kids interest and have compassion for your ex’s situation and challenges. They’ll pick up on even a whiff of “out for vengeance.” I’d definitely spend the next few weeks trying to get to that space of neutrality on your spouse and developing a “just the facts” case. Think of it like an evaluation that you are giving at work that HR will scrutinize! Good luck to you and I hope you have a good mediator!!
Re-connect (not remarry) with your ex... manage the relationship as you would a difficult lie to out behind 4 walls.
You two have to operate as 1 without a 3rd party and only you can sort this.. there is no 5050 when it comes to carrying the burden. (If that makes sense)
I agree in a rational persons world that this is a standard……but you haven’t my ex