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I dreaded it and my dread has to some extent been proved right. I wanted to have a 50 person reception at a nice restaurant, but we both have large families so it was either 100+ invites or immediate family and friends only, no in between. I was talked into doing the larger wedding by my parents who promised to help and who offered me some money (for which I am very grateful). My parents have been helpful, as has my fiancé, but there’s only so much they can do. At the end of the day a lot of decisions come down to the bride.
One thing that’s surprised me during this process is the sexism around brides. I feel a lot of pressure not to seem like a bridezilla when I find this process very stressful and time consuming. I feel like society says hey girl, plan this massive event that’s stupid expensive and ask everyone you know to travel to it with their own ideas and expectations. But BE CALM, because it’s so silly to get stressed by one day of your life. Part of the pressure I got from my parents was also that I’m their only daughter. I pointed out they have a son as well who’s much more extroverted than me and will probably want a huge wedding, but apparently it’s not the same.
I may not sound it, but I am ultimately glad I get to celebrate with my friends and family. I am getting excited for the day (and I’ve always been so excited to spend my life with my fiancé). But I won’t lie to you, if you’re a bride who’s not that into the planning process, it’s an exhausting road. I will report back in a few months after the wedding happens if I’d do it all over again 😊
Do you have a wedding planner? Best decision I’ve ever made and could help with anxiety since most of the planning is on them and you’d only have to decide between a couple options. I too wanted a small destination wedding but my fiancé is hell bent on a local wedding that’s infinitely more expensive. We compromised by me limiting our guest list to well under 75, closer to 55-60. G’luck in your wedding planning. It will be a special day!
Rising Star
I am with you. I am overwhelmed too, and other areas of my life are super stressful right now as well. My parents are paying, but that makes me feel guilty about spending money. I never dreamed about a wedding, so I don’t have a Pinterest board or any vision. I have a planner but just for the month beforehand because that’s all we could afford. This ish is a part time job! I’m excited for the wedding, but this planning is a racket.
I’m in the same exact position minus a couple of the details. It’s hard enough to get through the work day, now I have to plan every single detail of a $30K+ day??
^^ continued: for additional context, I’ve really been struggling with my mental health (anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation) and I feel I’m on the edge of another breakdown. I’ve been speaking to therapists but I just feel so overwhelmed with life right now.
You are not alone. This is exactly the same boat I am in. It's a struggle that I'm still trying to figure out myself. I am excited about the marriage but not the wedding. Therapy and a job change have been two major things that have helped me. I've also had very open and frank conversations with my fiance so he understands where I am coming from. It hasn't fixed everything but has certainly helped.
Same. And people are acting like it means I don’t want to get married. Tbh I’d prefer to elope, but my fiancé is the only son in the family and his family really wants a wedding. Mine too since I’m the oldest daughter/ grandchild/ cousin in my family.
This is probably why we ended up doing a mini elopement (courthouse with parents and siblings only). The amount of stress, time and money did not seem worth it to us. Our parents were very disappointed - they were probably planning it more than we had.
Do what you want to do. All I ever hear from people with big weddings is they wish they eloped and said it wasn’t worth the stress and didn’t live up to the money spent. Never heard an eloper regret eloping
Neither have I, but that’s not to say there aren’t unreasonable people in this world. I don’t think weddings are for your guests or to see your guests….they’re for marriage lol. That’s why so many people elope