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Your wife is carrying your child, will give birth to it and be its primary caregiver for a while yet (if not forever). This is not about you, do not make it about you. Be present wherever you can, provide her with whatever she asks for. She’s going to be a mess and you may feel under appreciated. That is your problem, not hers. Do everything you can to contribute - baby needs feeding at 2am? Get up, change its diaper, hand it to mom - make sure mom has water and snacks (which you should be restocking for her daily anyway) then go back to sleep.
Just finished a shitty day at work? Good for you. Go grab baby and let mom take a shower. Baby screaming at you and only wanting mom? Suck it up, stick it on the stroller and take it for a walk so mom can shower without feeling guilty.
You’re going to do fine, you’re going to be awesome and that little bundle of joy is going to take 3-8 months to even realize you exist and smile at you when it sees you and that will feel awesome. Until then, don’t be a burden, be the best support your wife could ask for.
I didn’t do the above suggestions with #1 (or at least nowhere near enough) and the first 18 months after birth were the worst in 10 years of marriage and had a lot to do to repair. Did them after #2 and we are doing awesome.
Good luck.
Who hurt you, bro?
Stay out of the way
Just try to anticipate her needs and prepare for complaints no matter what. Girls are grumpy if beautiful. Nice girls are beautiful with makeup.
Lol these are some broad generalizations if I've ever heard of them. As a mother of two, with a very supportive husband, I would say the most important things are checking in often about what you can do to help (and when she lets you know what is helpful, do those things over and over again without her always having to ask). When the baby is a few months old, try to give her frequent time to see her friends/get out of the house (this will also allow you to do the same which is very important for dads too)
Here’s what I did as a first time dad. We had a baby 7 days ago and our love has increased multifold during this pregnancy ❤️
1) Read this book. It helps with things dads must do that require physical effort & planning. Follow his instructions religiously. It helped me be super prepared for many things to come, be aware of what’s happening to my wife, and welcome home a magic bundle with all preparedness.
We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook https://amzn.asia/d/3gVuN28
2) Keep her happy. Find time to go for walks together every morning/ evening. If she works out, find a good pre & post natal trainer / Pilates classes that help her get strong for delivery and recovery. Remind her of medicines and supplements to take by setting hourly/ daily reminders.
And lastly, be present for her every day , ask her how she’s feeling, what’s the baby doing, talk to the baby, watch some content together that’s baby friendly. And keep her safe from anyone (including either of the parents) who spreads negativity.
And also what VP1 said above.
All the best! This is a journey for you as well. Enjoy it. And take care of yourself as well so you can take care of everyone else in the family 🤗
Cheers mate! 🍻
Rising Star
That's well-said, mate!
Take paternity leave. All of it.
Take a month off before the due date to welcome the baby into a calm environment.
2 tips I can provide off the cuff:
1. When the wife complains about her body state the following: ‘Your body just went through a traumatic experience, it will take time to look and feel how you want to’
2. When the wife complains generally: Ask her the following: ‘Do you want comfort or solutions?’
It’s a generalization, but myself included find that as the man when I hear complaints I try and find solutions but the spouse most times just wants be heard/validated that complaints (no matter how small) are valid.
Best of luck! The fact that you’re thinking of ways to support your wife is a great sign. Enjoy the journey!
One thing my husband did in the hospital that I loved was he talked to the nurses and asked them to teach him to swaddle a baby like a pro. He became the swaddler for all 3 of our kids, by the last kid, he was critiquing the nurses’ swaddle efforts behind their backs. He was like a baby oragami master, and it made even our fussiest baby happy.
He also encouraged me to walk as much as I could after and cooked lots of healthy, healing food. This part is a fine line, but ask your wife what her goals are and how/if you can help keep her accountable.
Highly recommend you read a pregnancy book together (of your choosing but something like What to Expect for example).
Also keep in mind pregnancy is a lot of hard work, then comes birth, and the 4th trimester might be brutal for your wife in terms of hormones, recovering from birth, trying to figure out breastfeeding, etc.
I got my wife Freda Mom which is basically a "recovery kit" for post-birth. I also saved up for a night nurse for our first month (so expensive but so worth it) so she could sleep without being worried. Also get a lactation consultant (obviously check with your wife who she would want and IF we she wants to breastfeed first).
We chose to pump and breastfeed so I took the night time shift of feeding the baby after the night nurse left so my wife could sleep the whole night and give her body time to recover since she was breastfeeding and pumping during the day.
Good luck man, it's gonna be great!
Assume something will go wrong/not according to plan and be prepared. We had an unplanned c-section and needed to find in-home help immediately. Also, the baby wouldn’t latch so we needed to find formula immediately (baby born early 2022 during the great formula shortage). The more preparing you can do, the better, even if you don’t need/use it.
1. Everything that anyone has told you about parenthood is true.
2. Change as many diapers as you possibly can.
Start taking and planning now, she already has a baby!
I did realise I had one only when I saw him, but in retrospect I could have begun to adapt way earlier.