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Don't worry. Give it time. With her focus on travel and adventure, she will inevitably become a a wonderful, wordly, interesting soul and outgrow you. At which point, you won't have to worry about it anymore.
If a joint account makes her nervous then do not have a joint effing child.
I wasn’t ready to be a parent until the day my daughter was born. In an instant, I was 1000% more responsible and strategic. Walked out of that hospital with my shit together.
Everyone’s path is different but if you’re committed to building a life with this person, just fucking do it. Life doesn’t wait for perfection. Go and live it
Yeah, I know. I'm probably being a dick too... but part of having a family is being able to provide for a family... and that's more important than travelling or experiences.
and it doesn't help that envying the neighbor comes to your Instagram feed these days.
She even gets mad when I want to start a joint account or talk to a financial planner - she says it "makes her nervous". Aren't we all nervous about financial security? It's called adulthood.
Get a vasectomy. Don’t tell her. THEN try as hard as you can to have kids.
This makes me sad. For you both. 😢
Lady chiming in: I think you’re 100% justified if she’s not actively planning for the future. You can’t just have a baby and then hope everything works out.
On one level, I feel you. Dating lately, it feels like most women are more interested in their Instagram feeds than starting families. (I really hope I'm wrong here.) On the other, dude, she's talking about having your children. That's, uh, incredibly auspicious, to say the least.
Yes, I'm married. And yes, I'm aware it is a massive red flag. I think most of you are Americans here, so it's slightly different as most of you were trained financial independence since high school or earlier.
I'm forced into it because my parents didn't make enough - she is more on the silver spoon side with parents having enough to fund her Ivy league postgraduate.
Um... Months of Pregnancy will change everything. Doubt she'd give a shit about traveling and Instagram once there us a baby to take care of. If you both want a family, I suggest have it soon, it might be difficult for both of you in the future and you'd want to spend as much time with your kid as possible in your life.
Um I would actually talk to her about your honest feelings. If you aren't able to tell her how you really feel about her sense of fiscal responsibility, how will you discuss the other important shit involving a kid??
Strategist who works on a lot of financial accounts here: EVERYONE is terrified of finances, and it’s even scarier to have open conversations about it. No one knows wtf they’re doing with their money and it causes extreme anxiety for most people. Try taking some baby steps toward making the conversations not so scary and maybe making small changes before going all in on a joint account & aggressive savings. Find ways to balance both of your needs. Make a game out of saving money. Find ways to save but keep rewarding yourself. Make the topic as approachable as possible and with little changes here & there you can make a huge, long-term difference.
She was probably never taught how to manage her money so it probably feels like she’s being talked down to when it comes to money (even if that’s not the case)
Are you married? If not, she likely isn’t serious about you and doesn’t want to take it further than whatever you’re currently labeled as. If she doesn’t want to join a joint checking account with you, that’s a red flag to leave before things get even more serious
You probably need to tell her. No home, no babies. If you’re uneasy now you’ll be a basket case when she gets pregnant.
Maybe you worry too much? Having kids comes with responsibility, sure, but it's also important to be yourself. Let her be yourself. And enjoy life now you have the chance, once there's kids these things are going to be a hell of a lot harder ;)
You don’t have a kids issue. You have a money compatibility problem. Fix that before you have kids, cause they only intensify money arguments. If she won’t work with you, that isn’t an mind set that’s going to disappear without hard work on both sides.
Definitely an incompatibility on the money issues. It’s fixable, it might require a counselor to help out, but it’s critical that you guys discuss it so that you not only can get past this, but move confidently to the next big life decisions like kids and a house together.
Damn. Gotta love fishbowl. Look at the diversified replies.
If you aren’t able to talk about this first with your girl there is a bigger problem in your relationship. Is not about being or not mature to think about future, it’s about being mature to talk and open your heart with the mother of your kids and the company of your life. Think about it!
Perhaps discuss marriage counseling?