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I have 50/50 officially, which is standard in my address of California. Basically you have to prove the other parent is abusive to get more than 50%, unless the other parent actually wants less. I have seen many many of my divorced female friends fight for more custody because they were doing 90% of kids related tasks and time before the divorce. But in every case, it was a big waste of lawyer's fees. Around here, if dad wants to step up and take on 50%, he will get to, even if he has done jack with the kids before.
When my kids were young, we had a 2-2-3 schedule (mon-tues parent 1, weds-Thurs parent 2, fri-sun parent 1, and then parent 2 does mon-tues, etc.)
We are now on a 5-5-2-2 schedule now that the kids are little older.
We do the 2-2-3 schedule, but we called it 3-2-2-3. It worked well when my kids were younger and continues to work fine now that my kids are aging out of custody. My husband did week on, week off with his ex and that schedule would have been terrible for me. My state’s standard possession orders are NOT 50/50, but my ex and I did a collaborative divorce, which is designed to reduce the acrimony between the parents (which is better for the kids, when it’s possible) and the social worker we had to use recommended as close to 50/50 as possible. Although it was an adjustment for all of us (especially me), spending close to equal time with each of us has been really good for my kids. My husband also had equal time with his daughter and it was really good for her. No question their relationship improved after the divorce because he had more time with her and took over more parenting duties.
I recognize that 50/50 custody doesn’t work for every divorced couple, but if both parties are willing to step up and do what’s right for the kids (assuming both parties are sane and responsible), I’ve seen it work very well.
I’m in FL & it’s 50/50; I was confused my ex wanted my son 50% of the time as he too had done Jack regarding childcare for my son age 0-5. A friend told me 50/50 is best as the ex pays the least child support /alimony; the more custody mom has, the more $$ he has to pay. I would start off with 50/50 & see if your ex is willing to have less custody but depending on salary levels, he may not want to as it would cost him more.
Good luck. I went through my divorce in 2014 & it was tough. Hope you can do everything as amicably as you can & you get the result you want. Verbal abuse is not nice & I hope he is not abusive to your kids.
Btw, I know 50% custody doesn't sound like a lot, but I've arranged it so that 50% is super high quality, very interactive time with them. I probably get more quality time with the kids now than when I was living with them 100%.
I do most chores/errands/boring stuff when they are at Dad's (and it is much less stressful to do that stuff without them underfoot). Plus I also work extra long those days so I can take off much earlier on the days I have the kids. Also, it's nice to have some evenings available to date without having to get a babysitter.
Same. I wish I had my kids more (full time would be great for ME, though I know it’s important for them to have quality time with their dad), but I make the most of my time. I work late when they are with their dad and I usually schedule my work travel around my custody schedule, which makes traveling for a work a lot less guilt-inducing. Now that they are older, they play sports and if their games are when they are with their dad, I go to the games and get to squeeze in another hug even when it’s not my day.
It depends on your state laws and the circumstances of the separation/divorce. Many states have a standard 50/50 parenting plan, meaning each parent can be awarded equal time with the child(ren), and leave little wiggle room. However, parents can agree to a more limited residential schedule. Meaning, one parent can be awarded a larger proportion of residency, if the other parent is fine with it. My situation is set to that our child is with me about 70% of the time. This is because the other parent does not want 50% custody, ever. Instead they asked for 50% decision making and 30% parental time until school age, then an increase to about 40% as our child gets older.
Isn’t that considered “standard orders?”
My ex has 1-2 days a week (alternates) and alternate weekends. No overnights during the week so that the school routine was always the same for them.