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I would say something to the effect of “I understand that you have expectations of a certain level of niceties out of your colleagues but it boils down to two things, everyone has different comfort levels with colleagues and some people are not going to do what you want or expect out of them and that is okay because secondly, not everyone you work with or meet will be your friends. You simply just have to work with them and be professional not personal. If you choose to be more personal with others, be okay with the fact the same level may not be reciprocated. Focus your attention on other areas.” And be done with it. Any time it is brought up again, just say “remember what I told you” and change the subject.
I recently attended a session for leaders to learn how to manage across generations. It was super insightful, gen zs often appreciate a bit more of a high frequent engagement or check in. The background is that since most of them were impacted by the pandemic, they didn’t get all the social interactions and development that comes from those interactions pre pandemic. Think first jobs in person, college in person first jobs on-site etc. It was very interesting however that while gen zs appreciate the high frequency engagement it shouldn’t be that intrusive. They also expect to be promoted faster and do valuable work with impact. Millennials on the other hand they appreciate guidance but not micro management, like gen z they like a purpose on what they do, however, they value a more balanced flexible approach, they are always connected but like flexibility think hybrid. Gen X on the other hand are very independent and like to be efficient, don’t micromanage but rather give them goals. They are less likely to need the high touch interactions, they enjoy space. Of course every individual is unique but considering the cultural traits and preferences across generations may be a growth and educational opportunity for all involved.
This is a huge personal development opportunity for them. They are interpreting things as personal that are most likely not at all. I'd recommend some reading to them. First, The Four Agreements. Second, crucial conversations. If they have a concern that there is conflict with a colleague, they should try to engage that person in a conversation. Assuming they don't feel comfortable with that, you can provide coaching how to do that, and the book crucial conversations could help give them the framework for how to engage the individual in dialogue.
“Not everyone you work with will like you”
Having said that OP, it’s also important to instill professionalism and respect at work. If it’s really as frivolous as not saying good morning or wishing them well on their vacation, Id say the above.
However, if there is blatant disrespect and unprofessional behavior attached (I.e. reply all on other team members vacations ensuring they are emphasizing their lack of relationship with your staff.
OR this particular staff member has been a blocker for arbitrary reasons to the other staff member. Then it’s time to have the difficult conversation with the other staff member.
You don’t have to be everyone’s friend at work, you don’t even have to LIKE everyone (or anyone) but you should 100% carry yourself like a professional and be respectful in your interactions with them.
I’ve found when someone is obsessive about the behavior or treatment of/by a colleague there is usually more to it than some hurt feelings
I agree with STL 1. If it were outright rudeness that would be a different convo, but it sounds like it boils down to them having different expectations of closeness than the other person in question. Remind them you appreciate how friendly they are in the office, but others may not be looking to have as personal of a relationship with them, and they will have to learn to be professional about it.
I do not gaf about your vacation Susan.
Tell them that you’re not their parent and to grow the hell up!
Mentor
If you are their direct manager, it might be worth doing a dive into the 5 (or more) whys. The only rule is that they can’t state “I don’t know” or something they said in a prior why. This could help them uncover the root cause of this or other things in their life. (Also good for product retrospectives)
X doesn’t like me…..
Why? Because they didn’t say good morning
Why is it important that they say good morning?
Because it shows they care.
Why do you need them to care at work?
Because that shows we are on a team.
Why?
Because I want to belong here
Why?
Because if not, then I’m kidding myself. (Dealing with imposter syndrome)
Subject Expert
You are most welcome. This comes from Simon simek I think. There is a book called a more beautiful question. If you do some google searching on the 5 whys, you’ll find some good info.
One warning, American culture can become defensive around the “why” questions. Mostly because that question usually shows up when we were in trouble growing up.
So, definitely set the stage for the reason behind this type of questioning.