I matched with a woman who initially claimed herself to be 37 on her profile, but later changed her age to 39… I understand why people would do this, but I feel like we are starting off from a lie… how do people feel about daters that use this tactic?

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Step 1: ask her about it

likesmart

Planning to

This happened with me (F) with a guy. He indicated one age on his profile. Then he claimed he bought a house the year we would have graduated from HS. He revealed his actual age and then he went crazy on me. Told me that he didn’t want to give women another data point to do a background check. Then told me how all women are after his money because we don’t have a 401K. It was unhinged.

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Imagine if your soulmate was in the exact same life stage as you, but only a couple months past the cutoff age. On an app, this person is excluded. This exclusion does not happen in real life.

An exact numerical age is an unfair filter on apps. It should be age ranges or life stage, not exact numerical years, or at the very least allow for “fuzziness” to those numbers so that if someone is a great match but a little past an exact number, they aren’t hidden from the algorithm. (An algorithm written by celibate computer nerds with little dating experience. The +/– fuzziness feature exists for airline tickets, rental cars and hotels so it’s not a tech issue.)

likesmarthelpful

I have a few single friends that are 45ish but if you met them , you d assume they are 22

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It’s really fine. If you know there is an automatic filter based on age which is quite arbitrary and then back yourself to get along with someone, then it’s a fine tactic.

I know a couple happily married with a kid and the guy had a diff age on his profile. But he voluntarily told her his real age after a few dates.

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So, it's very rare that I meet a man on an app that isn't lying about something (age, job, town, height) for me personally, I might not have an issue with them being 5'8" and a town over, but lying to people to obtain access to them and possible waste their time is a big problem. It's not ok to assume the reason people make preference decisions, decide they're not valid and try to mislead them.

I had a man lie about being 37 and he explained it was just because women tend to have that as their cut off and he's 43 and I was like, it's not just about age though... they're trying to exclude men who already have kids and won't want more or can't afford more or the women don't want their kids resources split with another household or have to stay in one geographic area and not be able to do what's best for their own family because a man's other kids are somewhere. Turned out he had two kids, could never live in the same COUNTRY as me because of it and didn't want more kids so maybe my arbitrary filters weren't so arbitrary? And he wasted both of our time. He already got to have a family and he spent a lot of time trying to talk me out of wanting that instead of accepting that I was not for him..

uplifting

There are so many weirdos online. Maybe I’m lucky that I don’t get any likes. I’m too average I guess.

While I don’t appreciate the lady lieing, I think age is just a number. Maybe date her and see if you like her enough to continue or not. Assume she is 44

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Most likely she’s young n vibrant but doesn’t match with the right people when she posts her true age online

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THANK YOU!!!

Maybe she just fat fingered her age when she typed it in? Or, it was a system glitch? Could be due to root cause not associated with her being willfully dishonest.

So… I got to talk to this woman last night… she was transparent and shared a lot of her past… a lot to unpack… but just on this age topic, she initially had her profile age at 37, changed to 39, and finally came clean and told me she is actually 41! I think that’s a red flag, just lying one after another… Would people disagree here?

She also said her last ex actually lied to her about his age twice! And she said she was turned off by that but stayed with him for some reason… but she did it herself!

If it's not too egregious I don't care.

It's not unusual AT ALL for men to shave 10 and even 20 years off their age on dating apps. 2 years is immaterial. You'd never notice the difference if she hasn't changed it.

If men weren't hung up on numerical age this wouldn't happen...

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