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Sort of get it, and obviously it won’t be like it was before (for context, we were together / married for 10 years before having kids).
But if you no longer enjoy date nights or time away from your kids, that is not a great signal for your marriage IMO. My wife and I adore our kids, but time together as two people who loved each other first, and are still our own people outside of being mom and dad, is precious.
Different strokes I guess, but I’m glad that we are on the same page and still treasure our time together without the kids.
The kids can’t thrive if the marriage doesn’t. Go talk to any kid of divorce.
Kids are with you give or take 18 to 28 years. But the marriage outlasts that so focus should be on the marriage. It’s the bedrock of solid kids that then go on to be solid parents. Not saying otherwise for kids that don’t have both parents together as great kids have grown there too.
Marriage is first, the kids will benefit from a thriving marriage, but it’s not the same the other way around. Lots of kids ‘get it all’ but it’s tainted by memories of parent’s divorce or lack of love examples in the home.