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Same opinions apply, man or woman. Do you think you should be treated differently because you’re a woman? Didn’t realize it mattered - I thought equality was the goal here. You’re the one that made it matter. Good luck with the marriage. In fact, men tend to be less loyal. Once you have a baby, he will see you differently. If anything, these opinions might be stronger, not weaker. I know many men that say they’re ok with it, but eventually see it as an affront if they’re not paying most of the mortgage or making less than their wife (right or wrong).
Has anyone here been married for more than a year? These answers are crazy to me! I’ve been happily married for almost 16 years. If I had suggested any of these options with my wife, we would not be married today. When you get married, so do your finances and your goals! You can’t keep her happy and have a separate life on the side.
100% agree. Married 7 years. What’s mine is hers and what’s her is …hers.
What happens if you have a kid and one parent has to take time off (and not get paid)? Does that parent build up an IOU with the other for unpaid/deferred expenses?
I would split utilities and have them pay me an agreeable amount in “rent”.
You’re getting married! She’s not a tenant! Treat her like a tenant and she’ll leave when the lease it up or the “apartment” gets old and in disrepair.
If it has any chance of lasting, you pool your money and have conversations about how it will get spent. It’s both your money now, not his and hers, unless you’re planning for it not to last. This question alone tells me you probably shouldn’t get married.
Money disagreement are the primary reason for divorce and if you split payments on mortgage, you’ll be fighting on everything else. She’ll be mad you bought a new light switch for the house and you’ll accuse her of wasting money eating out for lunch too often. Get over it and get on the same page about your priorities. Sorry to be harsh, but maybe you will thank me later.
You’re MARRIED …… everything becomes 50/50.
If you don’t think so, try getting UNmarried, and you’ll find out I’m 100% correct!!
Rising Star
Who owns the house?
If both of you then a 50/50 split, or a split based on your relative incomes.
If you own the house, then your partner shouldn’t pay 50% of your mortgage.
Why not if they are living there?
@ Dave Ramsay
He says no ring no mortgage
It depends on your relationship and you as individuals. Your future plans and intentions? You just seeing where it goes, or getting serious and planning on being together for a long time possibly forever. That's 1 factor. The other factor is, is your previous cost of living and salaries similar or super far off? My wife and I moved in together when we were serious and wanted to save money. I made a lot more and had a much bigger place. Wouldn't expect her to pay for half on that situation.
We joust on the first of the month and the loser pays for that month.
Ramit Sethi is a personal finance figure and has great advice for couples to negotiate finances. Personally, I would not share a mortgage and title with my partner without a marriage license. But if I bought a place in my own name, I’d split all home expenses proportionate to our incomes. So if I earned 20% more than my partner, I’d contribute 20% more to shared living expenses. Including mortgage, groceries, utilities, etc. I would total everything up and have a shared account that we did direct deposit into for our agreed upon amount, and pay all bills and shared expenses from that account.
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I own the house .
The attorneys are already drooling over the money you “think” you’re saving by keeping your assets separate. They’ll take it instead of whatever is truly a fair split. Any marriage court, even in CA, would end up giving the spouse at least a portion of it (if the attorney is worth half their salt).
Love is to pay, action, tolerance, understanding, I think since can become a lover, then do not need to be so clear
Since you are ready to end, then you can not choose to marry at all, a person for life, this is not good?
Sounds like your planning for it to end in advance. Why even bother?
I think equity based is fair. Whoever makes more should pay more relative to whatever they make.
Like if your partner makes 40k while you make 80k. 33% / 66% split would be fair in my opinion.
For at least the main rent or mortgage.
You guys can iron out the other misc things
So maybe I have to reword my sentence. We will be getting married in a week!
Crucial addition. What state?
Maybe there’s more to this. Did she sell a home to move in? Are you ready to make her a partner (ie half the house) or do you want to keep things separate for now?
Unless you’re ready for the big step (splitting everything), I would suggest that you split the bills down the middle. Saves you money, obviously saves her money, and you keep paying the mortgage as you have.
If things get to the point where it’s “that” serious, just open a joint account where all the bills come from and agree to a set % of your pay to go there automatically.
Lived with my wife a few years before marriage or engagement. Roughly figure out what combined monthly expenses would look like and split those in proportion to monthly income. Don’t need to do everything tit for tat, but if you pay the mortgage then your partner could pay for groceries, restaurants, and other things up to their share of expenses whether it’s 40/60, 50/50, 60/40, etc. Every couple months make sure estimated and actual expenses aren’t too far out of whack and if so, update assumptions. Not every month works so we would keep track of those months and if things didn’t wash out, the person that didn’t pay for their share paid for the next trip, date night or whatever. Makes it feel less transactional IMO and worked great for us. To each their own but even after getting married we still do this.
Why does everyone thinks it’s a ‘man’ typing .
Female here and I don’t intend giving out 50% of my house . I have worked really hard to get to where I am today. The house will be passed on to our children .
Infact, in few years - we can go ahead to buy a family home but for now , I have no idea on how to split the bills but I’ll be paying 100% the mortgage .
Thank you
My simple rules:
1 shared current
2 separate investments portfolios/savers accounts/isa/401k/whatever
Each month we poll the incomes from work related activities. We split shared bills in a way that each ‘saves’ the same percentage of their net income. That ‘saved’ money goes wherever the person wants. If it goes towards investments, the income from those investments stays with the person who made the investment unless the investment was initially mutually agreed on.
And obviously prenup.
We agree on each extra expenditure.