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I hate being a mom, didn't think I would
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That’s a good question for you to figure out with your wife. Probably worth explain to your mom that if she doesn’t make peace with your wife, it WILL result in seeing the grandkids less. That’s not punitive, but trips will be shorter and fewer because mom likely doesn’t want to give up time with the kids, especially around the holidays.
Honestly, if you can have a real honest conversation, and both of you understand the other, and agree that she’ll go once a year, and once a year you’ll take the kid solo, it could work for the best.
I’m a go-along / get-along with any family, but my wife is not - it’s occasionally easier to just take the kids myself and let her hang at home.
I can def see that. If that’s the best for both of us, I don’t mind traveling with my toddler on my own... it’s just disappointing that she won’t put in the effort when I make the effort to spend my time with her family when I really don’t want to