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You probably know deep down why… it may just be that it was very comfortable, and now that things are getting serious, it’s hitting you that you may not want to be with him forever.
My advice would be- if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.
Thank you for taking your time for this response, it surely helped.. 😊
Gotta look inward and be honest. Also love shows itself in different ways to different people. Hah. You never know.
There’s a massive graveyard filled with failed marriages, and nearly all of them started with butterflies. Those tingling feelings are fleeting. If you’re compatible otherwise, and have set boundaries that each other respects, you’re ahead of an overwhelming number of relationships. With that said, if you think there are deficiencies in the relationship that can be remediated, address them now before the wedding.
Girl go with your gut! And dont make this poor guy go through all this if you're not feeling it. You asked him to propose, he did, parents dont even approve, but hes going against them for it. Hes doing all this for you then please be sure or back away now so he can move on.
You’re not at all attracted to or excited by him?!! you didn’t feel happy when he proposed?!! Girl don’t do it!
I’ve been with my SO 3 years and I am still very attracted to him and it felt so surreal/exciting when he proposed
My assumption is that you love him as a friend, but you’re not actually attracted to him.
As someone who has been in a marriage with a women whose feelings for me fit exactly what you’ve described, please let him go.
You will likely destroy his self esteem and sex will likely be massive issue for the both of you for many years. It’s just not worth it. We all crave pleasure and the feeling of being desired. Yes that can ebb and flow, but it should always be there fundamentally. You will both likely end up resenting each other pretty heavily after a while.
Don't marry. What will likely happen is, you will get married, these doubts will exacerbate after the dust of all the nice wedding stuff settles, at some point you will feel life is too short and you'll look for something else. Also likely, you'll get out into the dating world, date a couple of assholes who make you miserable, miss what you had with him - the quiet content and happiness - and eventually you'll end up with a relationship that is very similar to your current one, but maybe you have a bit more butterflies that time around - partly because maybe you find someone slightly more exciting, but largely - because then you'll truly appreciate what you have.
I know it sounds like reverse psychology and what I'm really saying is - just learn to be happy with your current relationship because you'll just waste time and end in the same place. I'm not - some lessons you need to "live" for them to be effective :)
More like accepting our own imperfections you mean, then yes. We need to understand ourselves better and have key values in life. If and only if something or someone endangers that it makes sense to remove it or them from our life.
Comfort is underrated sometimes. See what you want and need, good luck!
Agree with some of the replies. Decide what you need but realize that the butterflies you see in the movies is overrated and can actually be red flags. If he treats you well and respects you then try to evaluate what is missing or why you feel that way. It might need some deep diving into yourself…childhood traumas, past relationships, depression, etc etc.
On the flip side try to evaluate why you don’t want to be married to him and if something can be done on his part to change that. Like more surprise trips etc. That being said sometimes it’s just not the right person period.
OP before LD were you attracted to him? Has he put on weight?
Career wise if he is in IT why do you think there’s no growth potential?
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Never had the butterflies? Not even at the beginning of courtships?
Nopes..we started off as friends turned into dating and now marriage talks..
Out of curiosity, how did you have this realization right after he proposed? And if you never got butterflies, why did you stay this long with him? Sorry to say this, but sounds like you wasted his time :(
I do think those initial butterflies help but also remember they go away over time but then you have other more important factors to keep the relationship going. I get how you feel bc when I was dating I would want to vomit when I think of marrying some of them so I knew they were not it. And when I knew I knew. Bascially listen to your gut. If you cannot be even a little excited for your wedding day I think I would be concerned. What does your gut say?
Butterflies or anxiety could be reframed as excitement. Maybe there is more to it , like are you happy on intimacy part ? Some fresh surprises or unique gifts ? Maybe depends on your love style , Maybe worth talking to them about or a getaway trip or something either by yourself or with some friends or even with that person , some time to clear your mind.
Personally I think its human nature in a way to get bored of another person if the "intimate" times aren't what you are looking for, that could be a problem
Agreed with SA1 , like at least 2 trips each year to see each other, at your best and worst maybe more chance also.
Not sure how long distance but must be quite long from what you mention.
I did long distance Canada to USA. Didn't work. The whole work visa thing also was annoying also if its really long distance could very well be open relationship in a way.
Have you talked about logistics of eventually someone moving to other persons area ? Leaving behind family, friends, malls, hobbies , and familiarity for something new ?
Emotionally it's nice to feel you have something , but I'm sure things even easier with someone you can see maybe everyday or once a week , Sounds like quite a battle ahead before marriage.
But i have seen some long distance couples work among the same country but far across. Sounds like you've got some thinking and discussing to do
Butterflies is bs. There you are the one that build a great relationship. But if you are unsure I guess you shouldn’t get married.