I’ve laid off people I haven’t even hired. Two of my interns were literally born yesterday. Theres already a line item in your current paycheck for our 401K, since you’ll work here in 7 short years.

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likefunnyupliftingsmarthelpful
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Wear black. Write shorter sentences. Be from Brazil. Or at least act like it. String together platitudes. And again. More. Think that’s enough platitudes? Think again. Think. Again. Stop thinking. React. Be nimble yet entrenched like a country club made of jungle cats. Smell like an expensive hangover. Force yourself upon mediocrity. And interns. Taste victory then spit it out. Unbecome being comfortable. Exist unignorably. Send back your food. Buy eleven pairs of the same eleven hundred dollar Japanese selvedge denim jeans. Insist on immortality. Clear your browser history. Sit on panels until you can float above them. Call your assistant to text your wife. Manifest your own destiny. Swallow the void.

likefunnyupliftingsmart

choose life

“Oh, yeah. The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator door for a guy who doesn’t make that in three months. Come on!”

likefunny

When we’re done eating the rich can we move onto LinkedIn “influencers”??

likefunnyhelpful

like how do they always have content to push?? And who are the people always liking their shit???

Is this his Tinder profile?

likefunny

Hire slow. Fire fast.

likefunny

I love Anselmo’s sage advice. I’m convinced that he knows things we don’t know.

funnylike

God, I hope.

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Barf

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Friendzone

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Kewl

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That's not real, did Anselmo really post that?

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Yes. He’s a repeat offender.

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