Related Posts
Any Deloitte people trade on robin hood?
a High School Teacher
Bowl Leader
Additional Posts in Big Law
Kasowitz Benson - what is your opinion of them?
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Subject Expert
My wife isn’t in biglaw and we still barely feel like we’re holding everything together so I honestly don’t know how double biglaw households do it. From the outside looking in, it seems like it’s usually one of three things: they have a ton of help (nanny, au pair, family, etc.), one spouse eventually steps back to be more present with the kids, or they just learn to live with the chaos.
We had our second kid last year and have made it work so far but feels like things are about to fall apart. Maybe it gets a little easier once they start school…idk. Either way, I think we’d like to be more present in kid’s life/activities than BigLaw will allow so sticking it out forever was never the plan.
We have a nanny but no local family.
Agree with comment below but add its not only harder because of events that you will want to attend (at least they are planned) but there will be days when they are sick or come home early from school and that will always happen during work emergencies or busy times.
Honestly having kids changes you. 50/50 chance one or both of you decide that you’d rather take a job that allows for more time with family after the kids arrive. The alternative is working hard to pay other people to raise your kids.
It’s really tough. My husband was a big law partner who is now in-house and I practiced at a boutique firm. Now I’m a recruiter and with 2 kids I don’t know how I could have maintained my practice. In our experience the way other families successfully made it work was either 1) one spouse doesn’t work or changes to less demanding job or 2) you outsource as much as you can - heavily rely on a nanny, arrange for grocery delivery, etc. I’m much happier not practicing so it was an easy choice for us, but I know it would be tougher if you both love your work.
A bit of an opposite perspective here. My wife and I have 3 kids 5 and under. I’m an equity partner in a corporate group and she is a NEP in a specialist group.
We have a full time nanny (45 hours a week) and my in laws live within a mile of us and provide support, mostly with my oldest. We are both ruthlessly efficient with our time (anything that can be outsourced is) and sleep about 5 hours a night on weeknights. Also our lives are just blended between work and life. I schedule calls during my kids soccer practice. He doesn’t care that my earbuds are in but he does care that I’m watching him etc.
There are obvious trade offs but we may so much money that it smoothes out the boring life things like grocery shopping, cleaning etc. and we can focus on the more fun kid things without thinking about the price tag of spending $150 to go to the zoo for 90 mins. Also, we should be able to retire in our 40s while providing each kid a $2.5mm trust which will allow them to have a middle class baseline of income their entire lives.
Lol my dad didn’t work didn’t go. Cries in daddy issues.
Mentor
We have one toddler, my husband isn't even in law (though has a senior corporate job), and most days I feel exhausted and stretched way too thin by the end. Our child goes to daycare, and we have some local family but they are not reliable. I could not imagine doing this with 3 kiddos, and honestly if we have another I will probably go in-house not long after. Setting aside whether you CAN make it work, the bigger question is whether you WANT to. I think it's a perspective you only get once you have kids, but the time with them is so precious and I refuse to put my career over being present and giving them the attention they deserve.
As others have said, you may be surprised how having kids changes your mindset. I graduated law school wanting to a chief patent or IP counsel, if not GC one day. I still want to provide and give my kids a better life than I had growing up, but I made 375ish total comp and I work (remotely) 7:30-3:30 every day. This is a great setup for my family and if it means I’m a cog in the corporate wheel instead of going somewhere else to make GC or chief IP counsel, so be it.
I can’t think of anyone in my extended circle where both parents are BL partners with multiple kids. It’s hard enough for the kids when one parent is a BL partner. It’s doable when you outsource everything to paid workers, but that seems like a rough way to live. I would have too much mom guilt if my husband didn’t have an easier corporate 9-5, but making sure my kids have at least one present parent with them as they develop is very important to me. I assume that some people are grinders, love their job, and don’t have as much guilt. You won’t really know until you have kids.
One kid (16 months) - both in Biglaw when kid was born. Wife went in house last year. We have a nanny and local family, but it’s very difficult already because we both want to be present parents. And as others point out, as they get older, kids notice when you don’t show up. Even one person in Biglaw is difficult. Anecdotally, one of our friends is in Biglaw (spouse works part time) and the lawyer barely sees her 3 kids. Maybe an outlier, but I’m skeptical.
One kid here with one spouse in big law and another pretty high in big tech - it also depends on your values. You can pay for the village, or you can be the village. Our kiddo goes to daycare and my mom is retired and a widow and will come and stay for months on end to help out. It’s still hard. We outsource everything that can be outsourced and we manage the morning / evening with the kiddo because that is important to us (even if that means working until 2/3am). That being said, I don’t think we could manage with 2 so grandma would be moving in to help us there, whenever that happens (hopefully next year). That being said - spouse in tech handles emergencies, bedtime
Most nights, etc. Spouse in biglaw manages the household.
lol this is the ultimate question. Same issue both my fiance and I are double big law. No clue how to raise a family this way
Honestly though I don't know what a sustainable legal career is. The people I know who went in house work around the clock too. Feel like I just choose the wrong career path for a family
Not double big law, but I’m a solo parent in biglaw and had my kid on my own, so I don’t have anyone else contributing financially or on the parenting front. I am at 80% and it is manageable most of the time. My kid goes to daycare and I have a good amount of help from my family during busy periods like trial with daycare pickups. I want to have another kid eventually, which will be a lot but not, I think, because of biglaw, just because of logistics. But if I can do it all alone in biglaw, you should be fine—especially with 2 biglaw incomes and a ton of disposable income to make up for not having a ton of family help. I’d definitely recommend reduced hours for your sanity.