I’ve made it 5+ years in a NY M&A practice and have consistent exceeding expectations reviews. I’ve had a few mental breakdowns because of work during this time, but thankfully made it through. I’ve been in a near constant depressive/anxious state for family reasons for the last year and half, and am soon having my first kid. I’m scared shitless that I’ll spiral out of control both at work and at home if something doesn’t change soon. Any suggestions on how to keep this job and keep it together?

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Therapy and boundaries. Also, take every single bit of your parental leave.

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Life is all about choices. Something will have to give and, right now, it sounds like it’s your mental health that’s up next. Your career is going to (hopefully) be long. Can you continue this pace for the next 20+ years? Can you raise a family and be a present parent/spouse/community member? If you’re on the brink of an episode, I would say it’s time to change SOMETHING. There are always other options!

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This hits the nail on the head. At the end of the day, there are tradeoffs, and you will need to decide what is most important and act accordingly.

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1) early congrats to you and your first child!
2) congrats on making it to this point.
3) sorry you are going through this and at this point.
I agree with both comments above: 1) take advantage of all the leave you have and 2) lateral. There are other firms in NY hiring for exactly your skill set and level, with better hours and teams that don’t cause burnout and depressive/anxious states of being, even during this time. I know that because I left a firm where I was feeling similarly and lateraled - still in M&A and it’s a lot better.

Best of luck with whatever decision(s) you make!

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I’m at a V100 which is a totally different life than when I was at a V25. Even though better, was depressed. This job is draining being on call all of the time. Therapy helps. Leaving helps more (I’m going in house finally).

Thanks to everyone for the helpful messages and feedback. I’ve decided to go to therapy and will definitely take all my leave. If I feel like I am in a stable place after that, I’ll stick it out until the end of 2022. Otherwise I might just start looking for in-house jobs sooner.

In response to the Q above, I’ve stuck around this long since I actually enjoy what I do and am good at it (also needed the $$ for loans). I have gone back and forth between staying and leaving (50% of the days I’m leaving no matter what, the other 50% I am on a deal “high” and think that I can do this forever). I guess another reason I’ve stuck it out is because of my existing family problems — sadly, the short-lived recognition I get from signing/closing deals is about the happiest I’ve been in a long time. So then I think, well my personal life sucks anyway, so might as well just get the most out of my career.

It’s a viscous cycle and I’m obviously very confused. In the back of my mind, I know the money and prestige aren’t worth it for me. I am hoping the kid will bring more focus into my life and get me over to the “leaving no matter what” side for good. I know nothing is broken forever — just takes a lot to fix it and focusing on career is an easy “out”.

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Well, I think you’re very brave for deciding to go to therapy and for sticking it out this long despite the challenges you’ve described. You seem incredibly self aware, and so I have confidence you will make the right decision for yourself. Wishing you the best.

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Leave the job.

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The kid will actually bring a lot into focus and you will realize what is important and what is not. Also, once a week talk therapy is golden.

It's time to go. Bend before you break. Again. With a kid this time...

Genuinely curious. Can I ask why you stayed this long?

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