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Go home earlier. Since I’ve had kids, I’ve generally left the office at 5:30, put my kids to bed, and then work the rest of the night. And try to block out that 6-7pm window as much as possible.
This is the way. And also skipping going into the office altogether works.
I’m going to be blunt: you are making a choice to do this. Either switch firms or figure out how to change your hours. Most present parents at my firm get to the office later (10 am) or leave early (5 pm sometimes 4:30) so they can see their kids and then log on after their kids are sleeping. You will get less sleep and you might not work at your “best”, but you will miss out on a relationship with your child and you can never get this time back. Go home, have dinner with your kid more nights than not, put them to bed, participate in the morning and bedtime routines. If you don’t do this your partner will certainly resent you and you are choosing your work over your family.
This was my life for the first year of my twins’ lives. I went in house and am never going back to a firm. Working stable in house hours was an absolute life changer.
I dream of this
Not sure what your commute looks like, but if he’s already asleep I’d see if I could go in even earlier (7?) and leave the office earlier (4:30?) and be home with him for a little play, dinner together, bath and bedtime, and then log back on after he sleeps. It’s only like 2 hours, but critical for you both. Your firm should understand.
It’s pretty common in my office for parents with young kids to do the parent schedule of 8:30-5 or 5:30, no work for dinner, bed, and bath, and then back to work at home for a few hours after bedtime. Can you try that?
I am keeping a lower paying job since it only requires going in 1 day a week. If your job isn't hybrid at most 3 days in then I would consider moving. You are not going to get a second chance to see your kids.
I make myself available 21 hours a day, but 5-8 PM are a hard stop.
My wife is a stay at home mom. Only reason I deal with this profession. To provide so we can actually raise our own child(ren) rather than have some stranger nanny do it
Rising Star
One parent being home full-time does not somehow replace your child’s need for you. Kids need their dads.
Personally, both parents working part time has been a much better balance for my family.
What time do you go in? My toddler wakes up super early. Start later in the day, finish up at home after dinner if necessary.
And you are working hybrid right?
Watch “Your Friends and Neighbors” and get a new job before that becomes your life. Being about hyperbolic but seriously get a new job. The exaggerated need to provide doesn’t surpass the need for quality time. You won’t get this time back
Go in house.
So much in this thread about what is deeply dysfunctional about BigLaw. You cannot parent in 1-2 hours a day. It’s not possible. If you try you are damaging your child. Literally. A child is not an accessory. It is not a pet. If you CHOOSE to have a child you owe it to him/her to actually be a parent. (Again, seeing the kid for dinner/bed and then working til midnight; then seeing them again for the drive to daycare, while you also work on the weekend is NOT being a parent.]
Priorities people. PRIORITIES.
Rising Star
Do you think OP is in BigLaw? I actually feel like BigLaw is often more flexible because no one knows where you are or what you’re doing.
I have kids that have high sleep needs (they wake up at 8:30, are in bed at 7:30). I wake up early and start working at 6ish and stop working around 5:30. I go to bed early too.