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I’m in the same position, have a four month old, go back next week! I’m lucky that between family care and my husbands leave baby won’t start daycare until next to year, but still very sad to be leaving him.
While I would like a few more months home, I really do think me working is for the best for our family. We’re planning to send baby to an amazing dual language Montessori less than a 10 min walk from our home - I’m a big believer in the benefits of high quality daycare. And being dual income lets our family live in a great walkable neighborhood, in a cute house we renovated, next to a beautiful park. both my spouse and I work can jobs with great wlb, while still having enough $ to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. Once we’re both working and she’s in daycare we will ‘buy back our time’ to maximize family time - have a house cleaner, etc.
Thank you for the replies. This is never easy and I really appreciate each response. Wish talking about maternity and child care happened more often, with companies being flexible around this time period
I would take a year off if I could afford it. But in ways it can be harder to stay home if you don’t have support. Imo best of both worlds (and an extreme luxury) would be home exclusive for 6 months. Then part time work from home with baby help while you’re working. I did daycare at 1 for my 2 kids which seemed to be good timing for them. But output at work started to decline due to constant illness and compound sleep deprivation.
The hardest part for me was thinking I needed to be with the baby 100% of the time if I wasn’t working bc I had mom guilt and the quicker I realized that burnt me out (bc babies are work and work is work) it was liberating to get more help whether enlisting more partner support, parents, babysitters etc to give yourself a break. You being your best self is better for your kids than exhausting time just getting through the day.
And if I’m volunteering some unsolicited new mom advice:
I thought I was on top of the world after maintaining evething really well after my first and went for 2u2. I was humbled quickly. Spoiler alert it’s not 2u2 that’s as hard as 1 and 2 year old. Unless you have tons of support it might break you. Just in case you’re considering. I wish I would’ve known.
Last insight is that I thought I really only needed to make it 12m in martyr mode and that the children would be easier then, but two and three-year-olds are very challenging just in different ways (at least for me a - a mother with high standards and not a lot of intuition, needed to do tons of research on managing toddlers because it wasn’t done well in my family to pass down) however the newborn phase was very intuitive. Each mom and baby are different.
Bottom line get support where you can. It becomes a lot, faster than you might be able to keep up with. So having support lined up is essential when you’re overwhelmed.
You’ll do great bc you love your baby and will make the right choices. Just don’t lose yourself along the way
With my first and second I couldn't wait to get back to work. SAH life was not for me. By my third though, I wish I could have stayed home; however, I hate my job so that's probably why.
Chief
So tough. Companies really should moms the option to job share or be hybrid. Although WFH only works if you have in home help.
My experience would be hard to duplicate as I had the luxury of early taking my baby with me to the office. Had my own office, not an open work area. But then I went back at 6 wks because they allowed that.
I only did in home nanny when I went back FT. And hired one that also cleaned and did laundry. Hubby was a road warrior, but WFH when in town. I was hybrid and gave up traveling. I actually think there are so many achievements between 6 months and 12 those are harder to miss.
I think going back after a year would be harder on both of you. At 4 months they have a routine, but they aren't the person they are at a year. By then they have real expectations. This is my day. You never leave me, why are you leaving me, and you are dropping me with strangers without all my stuff. If you're going daycare ( or in home) rhe transition is easier for them ( and it is all about them) earlier or much later when playing with other children is a look forward to fun thing.
When I transitioned at first I didn't need someone fulltime.I tried 2 days a week. That was too little frequency, when I went to 3 days, my daughter was excited to see our nanny.
I interviewed dozens of people and test drove 4 or 5 for a day before selecting a person I trusted would play with and treat my child the way I wanted. I did do mother's day out at a nearby church and I felt like I was leaving her with aunt/grandma equivalents. So first step I would recommend is visit a ton of options to see what feels like a happy fit.
No wrong answer. But I don't anyone who regretted becoming a SAHM. I know no one who did a year, then came back so I have no data points. For me, wish I had rearranged to have more time 3 to 4
Chief
You might also survey the consulting mom's bowl.
Just had my first week back to work. While I’m a bit sad I don’t get to see my potato that often, the worst thing is that she seems to mind. SO much. She’s only 5 months but she was so sad on Friday when I tried running errands after work. She cried and cried, the only thing that would soothe her was carrying her in my arms. The poor thing 😭 I dunno what to do once I need to travel again.
And for context, my potato is with the grandparents during the day who love her and whom she loves too. So it’s luckily not a stranger.
Any advice to make it easier for the kid?
Chief
Once you reenter her orb, she expects to have you. So, no surprise she wants you to hold her nonstop for a bit. Once she gets used to the routine, it will be better.
How is she during the day when you're gone?
If you have to run errands after you pick her up, have at least 5 to 10 minutes of mom time first, only one stop and explain what is happening. Talk to her nonstop.
I tend to say no errand on the way home for a bit. Do them before you pick up.