{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Really need advice/opinions. My close friends are having their wedding the day of my son’s 1st birthday (poor planning & lack of consideration on their part). I could move the bday to the following wk but I’m 1) hurt they didn’t ask if we could make it if we’re in the wedding party 2) already canceled our gender reveal, babymoon & baby shower last yr due to covid & this is the ONE thing i was looking forward to now that we’re vaccinated. Moms what would you do? How would you feel about this?", "post_id": "60822e166b4ed600218bc9b2", "reply_count": 31, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "5a47c2a84694270013974e83", "bowl_name": "Moms in Advertising", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Really need advice/opinions. My close friends are having their wedding the day of my son’s 1st birthday (poor planning & lack of consideration on their part). I could move the bday to the following wk but I’m 1) hurt they didn’t ask if we could make it if we’re in the wedding party 2) already canceled our gender reveal, babymoon & baby shower last yr due to covid & this is the ONE thing i was looking forward to now that we’re vaccinated. Moms what would you do? How would you feel about this?

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I would presume that the absolute last thing on the mind of a couple planning to gather a hundred or more (or less) people together, and trying to take into consideration the logistics, location and availability of each one, is the precise date that one individual pushed out a baby a year ago coupled with magically guessing she’d be planning a birthday precisely 365 days later, much less that they should remember and prioritize THAT date over and above any of the other guests’ important dates, or their own calendar. It not necessarily poor planning or lack of consideration on their part, it’s just understanding that a wedding date is always going to conflict with someone, somewhere’s calendar. If they’re important friends attend the wedding and have the baby’s birthday earlier or later in the week (the baby certainly won’t remember exact dates), but if gathering your friends and family together to celebrate the baby on that precise date, and no other date, is the only option, do that and excuse yourself from the wedding.

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Most people don't celebrate with a party on the actual 1st birthday, at least not in my circle. How are they going to plan around an event that they don't know when exactly it's happening? Not trying to shame with that question. Assume good intent of your close friends. Celebrate in the AM with some smash pancakes, and then do something more formal when it works for you - if that's what you want. Or you can just celebrate the 1yo's birthday instead and skip the wedding. It's a choice you have to make about what is most important to you. If they are that close, and you choose the birthday, then I hope they will understand.

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Guarantee if you skip their wedding for your 1 year olds birthday, that friendship is over. Picture this: your kid is napping, what, twice a day at that point? And you are sitting on your couch saying “oh, I guess she’s doing hair and makeup now...or on the way to the church. But it’s best that I’m here bc we are having cake later with grandma!”

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Sorry, but - as a mom - weddings trump kids first birthday parties. Especially other people's kids, even if they're close friends. I think it's unreasonable to expect someone to organize their wedding date around your kid's first birthday. My advice? Celebrate your child's birthday another day, AND mark it happily on the happy occasion of your friends' marriage.

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Yeah. It’s important to the parents but the kid has no idea what’s going on. Celebrate the following weekend is a great idea. For the sake of the friendship I would swallow your pride and not harp on it.

Is this post serious?

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@CD1, +1! I love my friends. I really like their kids. I do not care about their kids' birthday parties and would never factor them into my life planning, nor would I expect them to in any way plan around my kids.

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I agree with President 1. With family, I can see being hurt about the lack of consideration. With friends it’s unreasonable. They’re planning the biggest day of their lives after covid and have probably been through a lot to get to this date.

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I say this with love and as someone who has two kids, but first birthdays are for parents. Kids don’t care at all. Your baby won’t remember. My kiddo had his first birthday during the pandemic and he had no idea what was going on. He just liked eating cake. I love my friends dearly and have no actual idea when any of their kids birthdays are. Be a good friend to someone who had to move and plan their WEDDING during a pandemic.

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Move the birthday. Your kid doesn’t even know what’s going on. Celebrate the next weekend. I promise you will never even remember this happened in a few years. Go to your friends’ thing. (I’m a mom, FYI)

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Adults don’t typically think kids’ birthdays are a big deal. Also, as others have pointed out, you can easily just have a party another day. At age 1 they have no idea what’s going on anyway. And because most parties are on weekends, I’d imagine many kids don’t have parties on their actual birthdays.

likesmart

Please never say this our loud to your friends. A child’s birthday party is not life altering. And many, many, many of them will happen not on the day! You say “how does a whole wedding get planned in 2 weeks?” It doesn’t, but the first few to-dos must have just lined up for that date. Like the hall and caterer or hall and church or minister. Stop, right now, feeling jilted! They have kept you in the loop, talk to you daily and have not been bad friends! Your kid doesn’t care when their birthday is. And even later on when their 6th birthday is an a Tuesday or something, they totally get that the party is “next Sunday” and are fine. Plan whatever event you want for your kid the week before, or after and no one cares except you! If you feel like you need acknowledgment of the day on the day, for you, tell your spouse and ask him to do something special for you because you are feeling a little delicate. But not bc your friends happen to be getting married that day. That’s irrelevant.

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Birthdays happens every year and weddings are (usually) a once in a life event. They have probably been planning this since before covid and pushing it back for a while. I have a 1 year old and we cancelled his party due to other events and everyone was fine.

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are you kidding?

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Currently planning a birthday party for my kid a month after her official birthday due to conflicts holidays and outdoor venue availability

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Lots of valid points here, appreciate the feedback coming in. I guess my thing is, I talk to this couple every day over text/IMs and saw them in person 2 wks before they told us the date (at which point they said it would be a month later than it actually is) and was a little shocked to be hearing it for the first time when it had been finalized like wait, how did you plan a whole wedding in 2 wks? I get wedding planning in a pandemic is a nightmare and they need to do what is in their best interest

Awwww @OP, I'm so glad! Thanks for saying that. FWIW, I've learned over the last few years (I'm happily 40 now) that when I have a strong emotional reaction to something, my "first feelings" are not really what's truly bothering me. For me, it works to breathe deeply, give myself (and others) grace, and take the time to peel back the layers of what's really upsetting or triggering me. It usually comes back to the same few deeply held fears, feelings or beliefs. Once I sit with and figure out what's really behind my reaction, then I can set the right course to dealing with it, from a place of calm and self assuredness.

Your post seriously makes all moms look bad. Get over it.

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