So, it finally happened. After months of feeling like I was being treated different/singled out, a partner pulled me aside and said people are complaining I'm not "friendly enough" and that it "doesn't seem like I enjoy working here." As you can imagine, I am seething. I've worked in corporate America for the better part of the past decade, and not once have I ever been told something like this. Contd in comments

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You need to start knocking on doors and asking for work. Go to every social event. Be extra present and extra eager to take on work and people please. People expect this from juniors and many of your peers likely already understand this either from how they were raised or intuitively. I agree the criticism is likely unfair and often a pretext but that’s the nature of the business. Succeeding in biglaw (or law generally) is about relationships and who will vouch for you. It’s on hard mode as a black attorney.

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I am sorry that you are dealing with this challenge. I was called quiet and not confident as a junior associate. Eventually, they realized I was observant, thoughtful and measured in my words. Those same traits are now valued by my colleagues and clients. I notice some Black attorneys tend to struggle more with the office personality politics. As someone stated earlier, there is a certain outward enthusiasm and cheerfulness expected from junior attorneys - almost a “I’m just happy to be here” vibe. It’s totally fake, but it works. If you want to make it work while you are there, try using the beginning of calls or meetings for small talk, asking about family or weekends, smiling more (I know), not complaining even if “they” are complaining, greeting people in the hallways, decorating your office (if you have one), stopping by the work events, prioritizing responsiveness, and lying like h*ll about personal matters.

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First years are often judged on eagerness, enthusiasm, responsiveness, availability, all of which sums up to “Ben is great to work with.”
Some juniors end every interaction/phone call/ email with “Happy to help. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help.” I find it overkill but judged against your peers this partner might eat up this OD behavior.

Some juniors respond to emails immediately to confirm receipt with a note that they are looking into the issue or provide an ETA.

Try to figure out what behavioral and social cues might lead that partner to think you don’t want to be there. PS I had a partner say the same thing to me as a senior associate.

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I don't know what to do? I'm a first year so I can't lose my job especially in this shithole economy. HR isn't my friend. Do I send everyone an apology? Help?

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