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So am I supposed to work tomorrow or nah?
Eastbound sunsets 👍🏻
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Always painfully funny lol
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I like the part where you call the beer “our beef"
Shooters—Shoot.
I’ve seen you around here a few times. I feel like people are trying to help you and you just keep telling them they don’t get it.
I would really consider taking the good advice you keep receiving—you’re not so different that you need to re-invent the wheel. There are tons of multi-faceted creatives, it seems to come with the territory.
Not to be brutal, but do you find this ad exciting or interesting?
The rookie mistake students make is that they write ads that sound like other ads they’ve seen, not like things they’d want to see. Your goal for spec work shouldn’t be writing copy that sounds professional and ad-y, but trying something crazier or more ambitious than you’ve seen before. It’s your chance to do ANYTHING.
Coach
@OP, one of George Lois’ old copy partners was legendary copywriter Julian Koenig.
If you showed this work to George Lois, he would laugh you out of the room.
Be humble, and listen to the feedback.
I also recommend looking up Julian Koenig’s work.
I give you credit for posting your work and seeking feedback, but all of your comments to people’s feedback have been defensive. Being in this industry requires being open to constructive criticism and not taking it personally or thinking you know better than those who have been doing this for years.
This.
Get “Hey Whipple Squeeze This” by Luke Sullivan. It’s the Bible for creatives—an easy read and with the knowledge it contains, is worth its weight in diamonds.
What the hell is this? This isn’t an ad it’s a confusing Wikipedia entry.
Here lemme try for you. I’m in between meetings and this feels like a fun challenge:
Olympia is a place of power, myth, and magic. It’s where the the Greeks worshipped Zeus. And where they competed in the first ever Olympic Games. (Cut to scenes of Mount Olympus, drone shots. Or quick takes of images from Olympia, ancient athletes, mythological creatures). So why did we name our beer after this mythological place?
Because we think there’s something special about our beer. Maybe it’s the water (cut to water splashing up and out of the spring). Maybe it’s the brewers who have been doing it this way for blah blah years. (Grab an image from the old brewery). But maybe it’s because of this guy: Zeus. (Quick mashup of some Greek God footage).
*Zeus enjoys Olympia Beer.*
Cut to closing scene of Zeus atop Mt Olympia swigging a brew. Its disarming. There he is in a loin cloth with a trident chugging an Olympia. Boom. Weird funny payoff. Could be done easily with low production cost. Has a funny feeling. It’s not what you think and you end up in a totally different place than mundane “Beer is interesting/important/serious” shit you’re currently writing.
And also bro, they don’t even use artesian water anymore. Like 3 seconds of google searching. Come on.
Boring on all the "levels" From headline to concept to body copy.
It’s realistic, but that doesn’t make for good spec work. Check out the books of your peers. Write ads that are crazy. Write stuff that’s not ads.
Levels to this
This has been done at least 10 times. Also better. You want feedback but don’t take it. 🤨
That’s a conservative estimate.
Uhhhh, but artesian spring water is no longer in the beer. Also this concept has no differentiation from many other budget beer.
I think a few folks have pointed out that spec work should shoot for the moon. This is just another execution of every Jack Daniels/Wild Turkey/Coors etc etc idea. “Our alcoholic beverage is crafted by craftsman in plaid shirts or fancy aprons or old timey apparel, so it’s good. Drink some.”
I sort of like the idea of killing the brand all together. I think it’s at least a step in the right direction from where you began. Now unfortunately you’re just getting into something executional. Ask yourself, to what end are you doing this? Why kill the brand and how would you spin this to make them successful? You’re sort of reverse engineering this backwards to an idea, so why kill them? What’s the message you’re trying to convey with this act? Thats why it’s best to start with simple insights and truths. That’s what we all mean by there’s a concept missing from your work. Keep pushing.
🚨I’m not trying to hit home runs, I’m trying to get on base🚨 let’s put runners in scoring position and stay focused on the copy, please, and as always the support is appreciated.
That doesn't mean the pursuit of mastery is unnecessary. What he's saying there is that a master of their craft never believes they've mastered their craft. They don't settle. Which is what everyone is hinting at here.
I'd rather have someone swinging for the fences and striking out than leaning into every pitch and taking their base.
I don’t get it
Evaluating just the headline “it’s the water. What’s the water?” Is confusing for me. Instead of these two separate thoughts, I’d try making one, clear, compelling thought. Look to famous print ads from the 80s and 90s to see how this is done. Write something. That catches me off guard and makes me interested to read the story of the water. Try things like
What is it about the water in Olympia beer?
This is an ad for beer. So let’s talk about water.
Those are dumb but look for a compelling angle. Long copy ads can be exciting and great.
Here’s a really good, recent example: https://www.afaqs.com/amp/story/news%2Fadvertising%2Fand-heres-what-the-writer-of-this-ad-has-to-say-about-it
I was in the wrong, and I’m sorry for shitting on everyone who helped, I’m under a lot of pressure to get this right the first time, a career in advertising drastically changes the direction of where my life is headed. Thanks to everyone who responded.
You can use history in an ad. But only if it's interesting. You're getting a lot of flack for having flat copy, which I have to agree with. But I think you'd benefit from going back further than just how you wrote this. I think you've found something you want to talk about, but you haven't figured out what you want to say. That's the important part.
You need to know what you're saying before you can worry about how you say it. The writing has to be good, but first you've gotta give me a reason to read.
Good insight. Needs tighter execution. Bud light social does funny stuff with the “beer is water” on IG
I get that the water is perhaps something unique and truthful to this product, and this is what you’re going to ultimately romance. But I think you might want to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Does knowing a beer is brewed with artesian water really compel me to want it more? Maybe if coors light told me it was only brewed with mountain-fresh water... but even then do I want my lager beer to taste more watery than it already is??? The tension lager beer usually has is it doesn’t have enough flavor. I say try to chase a simple concept about pure taste since that seems like the brands purpose. Or maybe it’s a beer for people with unique taste. Or for people who seek the perfection for the things they care about. Write lines and get poetic to that stuff.
If it’s something they’re already known for and probably doing ads for, then I don’t see how this moves the needle or evolves their brand. I think you can definitely make this into something, what I was trying to say was I think it’s missing some kind of human perspective. The water is just a proof point, but I would not make the campaign about water. Preserve what you love. That’s not a bad line to jump off of. Build it off of that. Truthful to the beer. But that’s also something human that people can rally behind. Hope that helps. Good luck.
But I still don’t know what the water is
My bad, I own that, I fucked up. I’m coming from industry where failure and poor performance is frowned upon, and playing safe is the best bet.
I want to thank everyone who participated in this discussion. The brief is wrong, and what this brand needs is a full rebrand.
Thanks again I promise to be better—still growing, and learning.
The first step towards being a “good” new creative, is admitting that you probably aren’t that “good”, but you also aren’t as bad as you think.
Keep pushing yourself, you got it
🖊🤙🏽
Dude. I don’t care about that. I don’t know who Leopold is. I’ve never moved somewhere and thought about water. You have two years and one 6-year mention. Sell me beer not a history lesson. This is a frankensteined version of your original. You seem stuck on maintaining phrases. This was more boring than the original. Sry man. You need to make me feel something. There’s no why. No emotion. Only fact spewing.