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Sharing my story because I wish it was talked about more. My husband and I got pregnant right away, which gave us a false sense of confidence. I then miscarried at 10 weeks. I had thankfully shared the initial news with two trusted partners, so they had some context when I had to take short term leave. In the short amount of time I was pregnant, I had pretty awful nausea/morning sickness, and was really struggling to keep up with a heavy workload. I also communicated this to said trusted partners to help with workload. They are legally obligated to accommodate you.
So my advice is that if and when you get pregnant, and I’m rooting for you, if you have a good relationship with your team and you need the support, you should feel empowered to disclose as early as needed. If I had bottled that whole experience up out of fear of “you can’t tell anyone before 12 weeks!” It would have destroyed me.
I’m sorry that is all so negative, but I was completely unprepared for my pregnancy experience, and hope this gives you something to consider.
Thank you for sharing, this is very sound advice and necessary to consider
Took me 9 months to get pregnant the first time around, so I'm glad I started trying as soon as I felt ready to be pregnant. That's my advice to everyone - start trying as soon as you could envision being pregnant happily. You can never predict your fertility, so you want time to be able to pivot to other options (IVF, etc.)
It took me 9 months as well, and that was with zero physical issues (like endometriosis, etc) and tracking ovulation and timing things perfectly each month. Social media, cultural norms and at least my personal circle all seem to make getting pregnant seem super easy (or it’s just not talked about and all the sudden everyone has a baby). So 8 failed attempts, month after month, was really hard on me.
My best advice would be to not put too much pressure on yourself and also to not let comparison be the thief of joy. Scientifically, sometimes it just takes longer and it’s totally “normal” for pregnancy to take up to a year if you’re under 35.
Good luck whenever you’re ready! I’m 21 weeks pregnant with my first and it’s the most magical feeling :)
A2, I totally understand that and it’s a very personal choice. In my case it’s not that I wanted to confide in these people, it was that I needed them to understand why my bandwidth and productivity would be impacted. Initially this was just about being pregnant and I really did not expect the miscarriage, but when the awful news came, I wanted the people who ultimately evaluate my performance to know that’s why I was on leave and not for vague medical reasons, which, even though would be totally legitimate, could still be viewed with skepticism by some higher ups.
Rising Star
Started trying at 35 and I am 5 years into this adventure with no pregnancy. Infertility is hard. My advice is try for a few months and if that’s not working, start working with a RE to get tested for infertility issues early.
I think it’s important to remember you can do everything “right” (health, fitness, perfect ovulation tracking, etc.) and it can still take you many months and interventions before you get pregnant. You can also not think about any of those things and get pregnant on the first try! It’s very hard when you want to have control over the process to realize much of it is actually out of your control. And it can be hard when others credit their quick pregnancies for doing things “right”, as if you’re doing something wrong if it takes longer. Everyone’s body is different, and there’s often no way to know even with the testing we have available today which camp you’ll fall into. So I would say be prepared it could happen right away, or take more than a year—you won’t know until you’re in it! And if it does take longer, don’t blame yourself.
1000% this.
Chief
…2 weeks
Pro
Read "It Starts with the Egg."
It took us 32F and 34M 4 months. The year prior we got health in tip top shape, took our vitamins, cut back on drinking outside of vacations, limited recreational drugs. I removed my IUD (had various IUDs since 2013) in July 2024. Pregnant December 2024. Currently 10w3days and praying things continue well.
My advice to you would be to start tracking your cycles now. I did a battery of tests when I froze my eggs in 2023 and I started tracking my cycles and cervical mucus so I could understand how my body worked. When we began actively trying I used basal body temperature and peed on sticks to find out when I ovulated.
You probably don’t have to do this much but I truly HATE my firm but didn’t want to give up on Mat leave so wanted to get pregnant quickly.
Best of luck. It was super fun trying so hard 🤭
Rising Star
It took us about 8 months of tracking ovulation and timed intercourse to get pregnant. We have no fertility issues so we were both surprised by how long it took.
One year for the first, two months for the second, an oopsie with the third. You never know til you try!
4 months for the first, 3 months for the second. We’ve been very lucky. I closely track my body temp and use ovulation tests to get us as close to perfect timing as possible
Just had my first baby 2 months ago, but it took us about 2 years — some of that time was just casually trying and then about a year was me tracking like crazy. I also saw a fertility specialist during that time to make sure everything was okay, and had a minor procedure to help out (honestly don’t remember what it was).
Mt best advice sounds impossible and I know eye roll worthy, but try not to stress out. I spent a year doing everything like temperature checks and even got the Mira fertility tracker (like a mini at home lab that tracks a ton of hormone levels by peeing on different sticks daily). I was regimented to the point where sex felt clinical, which wasn’t fun for me or my husband. I was so stressed month after month when the pregnancy tests would be negative, which made things worse as high stress levels can make it harder to conceive. And I stressed about my age (35 when I got pregnant). And of course we are in a stressful profession.
It got to the point where I was so stressed out with the testing and work and a big upcoming trial that we decided to pause the “formal” process for 2 months until my trial was over. And BOOM I got pregnant. I think removing all the pressure helped. I was still overly stressed with work as I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant 2 days before my trial but I think taking the mental break from the data helped.
That is a very long winded way of saying it may take time but try not to let the time or data get to you.
Good luck!
Three months for #1 and six months for #2. Tracking worked for me (and I discovered that one of my ovaries is on a 29 day cycle and the other is on a 30/31 day cycle). Ovulation tests didn't work for me meaning that they never told me I was ovulating even when I clearly was. If things start taking longer than you'd like, consider finding a seasoned acupuncturist specializing in women's health.
Took us a little over a year to get pregnant the first time. She’s now about to be 4. Second time, it was not planned and was the one time we thought it’d be a good idea to go condomless (lesson here is that if you’re usually good about getting the condom on but your hormones convince you it’ll be ok, you’re probably ovulating lol). I miscarried at 7 weeks. Third time, it was planned and we got pregnant the first month. She is now 1.5.
9 months for first, literally once for second