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crwd 4/17 $60 calls... you heard it here first
Looking for a role as junior software engineer.
Hello Everyone,
- I am looking for a part-time/full-time role as a software engineer. I have Bachelor in computer science.
Pros: Self learner.
Cons: Take too much Tea.
Comfortable:
- Typescript/Nodejs
- Reactjs, tailwindCSS
- GraphQL
Intro and done some work in following technologies also:
- WebRTC
- Django
- Android, Flutter
- Solidity, Truffle
Regards Muhammad Ahsan.
Email: ahsanjsdev@gmail.com
Salary expectations: 15$/h
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Therapy, individual first. I would leave. They I'd do marriage therapy to help us guide toward divorce and successful co parenting. I'm tired of selfish people
You now get a free hallpass as well.
No; this is not the case. They need to either end the marriage or commit to repairing it, not being petty/vindictive. It’d say a lot about their character if they were to take this approach.
Leave. Ppl dont change. If you dont leave, very soon you will regret
Leave. Period.
True it is. It's a betrayal. Not be forgiven. But I am thinking about children. If both people are separated, it will affect kids so much and their life too.
And the level of disrespect is unprecedented. I dealt with same situation. It’s devastating. I truly wish you the best. Are you willing to forgive? Do you think you’ll ever trust again? Is he going to leave his current job? Do you want another woman raising your children?
I honestly don't know how to answer this. You should most definitely go to individual therapy. You have been deeply hurt and need help processing it.
Was he or she being defensive and feeling guilty with the "you should take it lighter" comment? If not then yeah that is selfish. The person can't empathize or see your perspective.
I suggest couples therapy to get at the route of the problem. If after therapy you think the best option is divorce then go ahead and continue individual therapy.
I’m in a similar situation. I’m open to forgiving, but it is hard to see how we will rebuild trust. My wife travels often and has ample opportunity to cheat / meet new people / enter into short-term fling or multi-month affairs. Now when she texts ‘just grabbing drinks / dinner with coworkers’ I have a flood of negative emotions. Challenging situation.
I agree with others here that you should be in both individual and couples therapy.
I would also add that kids are typically more resilient than we give them credit for. I think happily married couple is best environment to raise kids, but the worst environment is a couple who hate each other. In the latter case, kids would be better off with divorced parents.
How big is the “not love” aspect to you, because that struck me as a significant mention. While betrayal has no gender, I do honestly find it harder to believe a woman when she says it wasn’t for love or deeper emotion than if it’s a man.
More importantly, I don’t hear any reason given that it wouldn’t happen again. It’s like I ate junk food even tho I know I shouldn’t have bc I needed a snack and like the taste of it, but it’s not I love it.
Either way, I feel for you and hope that whatever happens is the best for your family.
The kids make it tough. I would try individual + couple’s counseling first and see if you’re both willing to change. Cheating happens in a relationship. Got to look at what your own role was in this situation.
OP in my experience cheaters never change and that desire will always be there. Of course its easy for me to tell you what to do but I know when you are in it the decision is much harder. I would try going to therapy given that the two of you have kids together.
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The fact they told you that you should “take it lighter” is a huge red flag. I’ve seen marriages continue successfully after affairs before but there really needs to be an acknowledgement that what happened was absolutely not ok and a heartfelt apology. Without those things, chances are it will happen again.
You know what to do
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I would leave them.
I have been cheated on in a marriage, it ended in divorce. What I would suggest is two fold. 1. Examine your own beliefs… what will you see when you look into the mirror two weeks from now, two months from now, two years and two decades. 2. Find the true underlying reason for her infidelity. Chances are, there is something she is seeking in a relationship that you aren’t aware of. Once those honest conversations are had, you can determine if this is something that you can live with and if it is something he/she will be happy with. The lying is brutal, but expected in this situation. I’m not downplaying it as I couldn’t get past it, but some do so that is your choice. I wish you luck, feel welcome to DM me if you wish to talk more.
I reread it and you’re right. I didn’t mean to assume one way or another but definitely did put that in there. My bad.
Leave!
Once a mistake always a pleasure
Don’t leave yet.. those children would be scarred for life.. treat her like a friendly roommate with who you can have sex at times, enjoy fatherhood.. by the time your children enter puberty, they’ll be able to have cognitive skills required to handle the news; see, if you can get custody citing the infidelity and enjoy your fatherhood and if you find true love again.. dissociate yourself from her emotionally; stop loving her and maintain a professional relationship; you may get some clarity.. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes
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I would never really forgive or forget. I would have to leave because I couldn't trust them.