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Just moved, looking to make new friends. 29 F 😊
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Have you ever yelled at your coworker in public?
Aisa confidence kaha se ata hai bhai
Jozi and Nairobi here
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Really sorry to hear this OP. If she is remotely open to it at all please seek input from a licensed marriage counselor. A third party can really help sail through the biases and help you get to the route cause / identify a mutually desired outcome. Truly, I wish you both the best of luck
I think the only way forward is to do counseling to improve yourself, and ask her to do joint counseling with you. If she is not willing to you have your answer on her level of investment in the relationship and you can keep improving yourself and plot your exit strategy (or mentally prepare to hunker down in an unattached, unsatisfying, and unsustainable relationship indefinitely)
The hunkering down approach could be due to fear of change, shame and guilt of divorce, fear of judgment from parents, friends, and family.
Howver doing nothing has impact that's not immediately apparent. You are teaching your kids this is normal and OK.. They won't know any better and one day will be in a similar situation of negative relationship won't know any better.
If you leave you can teach your kids this isn't acceptable.
Maybe not what you want to hear. I have significant conflict with wife. I've tried everything to address it. There are 2 people in a relationship. You can be neutral, against it, or for it.
I've read relationship and marriage books, blogs, online marriage courses, joined fb support groups... suggested marriage counseling etc. I've gone to counseling on my own. Everything I could have done that's for the relationship.
She has acted against the relationship and says I am the problem not her.
Sometimes it's a rough period you just go through, other times they do not want to work on the relationships and are actively sabatoging it. I've ripped my hair out for years trying to make it happen. I'm not perfect but acknowledge there needs to be work to address it. She doesn't beleive she has anything to work on.
For me, bottom line it's not working. And I've tried what I could but it takes 2.
.. A huge factor for me is her mother giving negative influence on her on the marriage. Imagine with that stubborn one sided mindset And having someone whisper in your ear all the time with complaints about your husband.
... You should try to change yourself though, do what you can to improve yourself, then the relationship, then it's up to her to join in on the journey. Try to limit any negative influences such as other family members instigating.
Thanks for detailed response. I definitely appreciate and echo "it takes both to make this relationship work". I have not gone through counseling yet but again it takes both to be open for counseling and put effort to make it work. I wish you all the best. I will conti ue to put my best foot forward and avoid any negative conversations. Sometimes if is hard but requires tremendous amount of patience not to react.
What’s irking her? See the bigger picture and try being more present - are you doing your chores? Is she overworked and overwhelmed? Are you giving her some me time? The pandemic has taken it’s toll on everyone- try figuring out what the relationship needs.
I think behaviors have patterns. As soon as you get in a situation, the thought process goes out and the entire scenario plays out like that pattern. It is difficult to change minds patterns. You need to break those patterns by walking away, calming yourself and her or do something good. Also try avoiding those scenarios- be nice, genuine and caring. Again don’t expect her to be incharge of some chores - take some over. Negotiate some leeway from your job for more family time. Take your kid out so she can pamper herself.
By she is not working you mean she is not earning? If my wife was there I won’t ever say she is not working because I bet she is, just she is not working for an employer that cares and pays 😜 you get the gist of the connotation there?
Thanks. She flat out told me "I am here only for the kid". Of course she does not believe she said anything wrong to start this argument. Trying to figure out how to improve this...she does not want to discuss anything openly. It is usually "yes I am wrong and it is my fault" Currently at absolute low level regarding this relationship.
My advice to you is to find a good marriage counselor to get to the heart of what the issues are. I did but it was too late. Been divorced for 10 years now and ex still won't let go of issues from 20 years ago.
Thanks for the advice.