Do you think restaurants should have a cap on how many modifiers a guest can add? I had someone basically redesign an entire menu item with 14 different mods... extra this, no that, substitute here, sauce on the side, gluten-free, dairy-free, but make it crispy. The ticket was so long the expo grabbed it just to laugh. At a certain point it stops being hospitality and starts being chaos.

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I agree. I've worked in places that don't allow modifications or substitutes at all, which I think is a little extreme, but it stops the tickets you just described from happening.

Yes, absolutely. You are in control- not them. However. Couple important touch points. 1. A good restaurant will have a tightly curated menu where modifications for each dish are relatively standardized and not deviated from. Certain things the kitchen just cannot do / should not be expected to do for the pace and style of the restaurant are understood by FOH and BOH.
2. What type of restaurant are you? Higher end or fast casual? Pizzerias should expect lots of requests for modifications but be clear on what can and cannot be done. Other types of cuisine may not based on how the food is prepped, etc.
3. Most importantly, I always try to operate from a spirit of generosity, keeping in mind that this is a core value of hospitality. If I can, I will. If I’m not sure, I set expectations with the customer; “hmm that might not be possible but let me check with the kitchen first” . It’s okay to push back on things that don’t make sense (or are not possible/ practical) but do so in a polite and professional way, be prepared to provide a reason WHY certain requests cannot be accommodated and offer a solution/ alternative if possible.

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