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Bowl Leader
Rising Star
Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety
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I messed ups no need help. Idk where to turn.
Bowl Leader
Daily Reflection 1/21
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I'm married to a normie, and so long as I focus on what I need to do to maintain strong, comfortable sobriety, what she does or doesn't do in general bothers me a whole lot less.
As it says in the 12x12, when I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. I would suggest that you dig deeper into your own sober journey rather than focusing on the "trigger."
For reference, we've been married 10 years, and she was singing professional for half of that, so there have been plenty of potentially triggering situations to walk through. I maintained spiritual fitness and was always there to serve my wife. For the most part, I've never been uncomfortable around people who are drinking, so long as I have a purpose, a higher power, and my own ride home (with my wife of course).
Wifey sounds like maybe she’s an alky
Especially with an alcoholic … I imagine his wife is liking him being sober.
Drinks every night is not typical though
My wife will have a glass of wine a night, sometimes two, sometimes none. She does not drink like me.
Rising Star
Yes. My spouse drinks. It's not my job to take someone else's inventory of whether they are drinking responsibly. My program helps me accept people as they are. If I can't accept them as they are, I either need to distance myself (if their actions are objectively unreasonable) or lean deeper into my program to reach acceptance. If she doesn't have a problem, then it suggests that you do and you should talk to your sponsor about it (step 4/5).
Having access to multiple programs has been a blessing. It's so helpful to be able to recognize and have options depending on my daily experience and emotions.
Alanon, AA, and acoa. I even found a Marijuana alanon recently which is great! This is not to overwhelm, just to know there is support. On any given day.
I am 7 months in. It doesn’t bother me when my girl drink, I actually encourage it. I simply hate when people don’t drink because of how they feel that it will make me feel. Now, if she drank everyday, I think that is worth a different conversation. Does she ever get touchy when you say “hey, maybe not drink tonight”? If so, then as all of you know, that’s a tell-tale sign of addicition. It may be worth going to couples therapy, which can provide a safe space for this to be discussed with an impartial third-party, that specializes in addiction. Again, if there is push back there, it’s another red flag.
I don’t think that you should believe “it fair” that she says that you are the one with the problem. Pushing her drinking back on you is not fair at all. It actually is something that can drive a wedge in your relationship. If it’s something that is going to affect your marriage, something needs to give.
Proud of you for staying sober through this tough, stay strong!
Cheers!
Personally, I would not be with someone that drinks that much. I couldn’t care less whether my partner drinks or not, but EVERY day would fall far outside my ideal for a significant other.