Does anyone have family members who constantly demand money because they feel like you’re rich now because you’re a lawyer? I’ve always wanted to be in a position to help my family but we all live in the high COL city so my salary doesn’t carry me as far as it would elsewhere. I’ve given a detailed summary of all of my expenses yet every month one family member in particular comes to me for rent money (not some, the full amount, and they refuse to get a job). It has become quite the burden.

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Yup, I feel you. It’s called Black tax…

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I would not give any relative a detailed breakdown of your salary and expenses ever again. It will continue to go up and they will expect more. I would set a budget for this family member. I allocate X to a “help and support fund” for family members—once that set amount is gone, it’s gone. If you don’t set boundaries now you’ll keep paying for people. I complete understand the inclination to help, but you’ve worked hard to be where you are and no one is deserving of their full rent payment every month just because you have additional disposable income.

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A friend got an offer letter in the mail and before she could open it, her mother did so the mother knew exactly how much she made. And now there’s the expectation of oh you got it.

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Cut this off now

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I’m trying to. I’m even actively working with my therapist on it

Yeah! I just set the boundary of I can help you but I will not if you aren’t willing to help yourself. Because a cup that is always over pouring will eventually run out. I totally understand setting that boundary is difficult with people you love and because you are successful you can help but you have a duty to your self to put yourself and your children and family in a great place as well.

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Thank you!

Yup, parents retired with minimal savings because they are counting on me to be their retirement plan :/

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Same. I understand that I’m in a significantly better position than when I was growing up and I want to be able to help within reason but I’m also genuinely concerned that I’ll never be able to do much more with my life other than work and give to them at this rate

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This used to happen until I cut them off. You need to set boundaries. You need to save for your future. If you end up sick or want to pivot into a lower paying role, you can only rely on yourself.

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Yes. Definitely. My mom is trying to jokingly imply that I must take care of her after retirement. Never discussed at all.

I am so sorry to hear that.

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