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I had a very frank convo with both my parents over similar things. I had to tell them, I’m the parent, I make the decisions. Your job is to support me and however I decide to parent. It’s been much better ever since. I really think they didn’t realize their role had changed - they’re now the grandparents and I don’t need them to parent me or parent my kids. Try it! Seriously it helped me a lot. It’s a relief for them too to just enjoy being grandparents.
My mother in law did this. I avoided as much as possible except holidays and before you know it, they were no longer toddlers. She missed out.
I’ve got a toddler (3) as well and that sounds like classic grandma stuff. They’re obsessed with different things (like them being cold - my mom gives my side eye if I don’t put mittens on him when it’s 35 and he’s going to be in the car for 5 mins). I’m probably a lot older than you so I might have lumped this all in with stuff you have to accept with parents at their age. Always good to let people know how you feel - especially when it’s not in a heightened moment. You may never get the validation from her we’d all like to get - or she might remember a similar vibe she experienced from her mom and take stock :)
Are we sisters? I don't have great advice, just sympathy. The best I can offer is to say "I'll ask for your opinion when I need it, thanks!" But I know sometimes even that is too much.
Yes. The criticism I’ve received through the last few years’ life progressions: “I can’t believe you’re going back to work, your baby needs you,” “I can’t believe you’re sending your infant to daycare,” “I can’t believe you’re considering paying alllll that money for a nanny,” “I can’t believe you’re throwing your career away over a rough couple of years that will end as soon as she’s in school; what will you do all day? Is that smart financially?” “I can’t believe you’re going to freelance, I thought you finally decided to focus on the right things?” “I can’t believe youve done so well freelancing, are you finally going to take a few years off to focus on your family while they’re still little? You won’t get these years back, but you can always make more money.” Takeaway:: it’s tragic but some people are never going to be supportive, no matter what you do or how well you do it.
Thanks mamas. Although it doesn’t make the hurt go away, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. I’m seeking out therapy to at least arm myself with tools so that I bounce back quicker when it happens again. Thankfully she lives in a different state so we can limit visits. Wishing you all well—we’re just doing the best we can! Let’s break this cycle ladies!
Yes…. It’s hurtful when it’s my own mom whom I love when all I’m trying to do is do my best… she doesn’t get it, thinks I have it easy.
My mom told me I was evil and cruel to my child for not cutting my daughter’s hair because her hair fell in her face (we pull it in a ponytail and sometimes because she’s 4, it gets messy.) 🤷🏻♀️
Yes, can’t speak from personal experience, but many of my friends have had that issue with their moms. You’re doing great! Remember we all have different styles and you’re bound to clash with your mom!