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Strong feminist here with ex boyfriends who wanted a housewife. If you place the request or expectation that the woman/man will not work and thus hurt her salary potential - then yes alimony is deserved. On the other hand, I am more than happy to be breadwinner and take care of the family (noone I've dated has wanted that). If a women gives up her career to take on the tiring job of motherhood I don't think she should be punished with poverty down the line.
My dream job is to be a stay at home dad. I would have no problem with my wife being the bread winner. I never understood the issue of the woman making more than the man. I think all men should want and encourage that.
Depends on the circumstance. In theory, for example if you are a stay at home mom or dad, you entered into this marriage under the assumption that the other party contributes financially, while you contribute domestically. I can't judge someone for not having their own stream of income because being a stay at home parent is a full time job (in theory, certainly not always in practice). If they made life decisions (ie, not getting a higher degree to raise the kids, taking a backseat in career development, etc.) based on our agreement, and they are owed spousal support if the other spouse decided to back out of the marriage. Being reliant on another partner for financial security is not our place f
And in that same respect. I would never pay alimony for my ex husband. Often I think it's assumed that alimony means a man paying for his ex-wife, which is much more common, but let's remember the roles are sometimes reversed
Not our place to judge** dammit I always hit the Post button by accident
If a spouse gave up career to stay at home with kids, then alimony is deserved. Once that spouse remarries, alimony should be cut off
Nay. Never have, never will need a man to pay for me. Even if I end up a stay at home mom you better believe I have my own stream of incomes working for me
It's necessary for those women who gave up having careers, saving for themselves, earning Social Security for a full-time unpaid position with the understanding that marriage is a partnership. There's a reason majority of poor over the age of 65 are women.
Alimony is a safety net for men and women. If people are responsible and designate a primary care giver for children in the relationship, that person loses future earning potential.
And OP- I saw your other posts in that divorce thread. Feminism is not about bunch of crazies jumping up and down cause they were done wrong by men. It's a very serious issue. It's about women who gets punished because they were raped, women working for $5/day in Bangladesh, women working in factories making less than men solely because they are women, women that are being trafficked and forced to sleep with men, women that are being molested in public simply because they are wearing the wrong clothes. May sound very far fetched but these are happening everyday.
I think everyone so far has mentioned being a stay at home parent. There are plenty of other situations that alimony can be needed. For example, a friend of mine was married 16 years; had two kids. She was almost always the breadwinner (AT&T sales rep). Husband worked hard until he lost his contractor business. For the majority of the marriage he did not participate in raising the kids nor household nor paying more than the cable bill. After divorce, he had the kids 2 nights a month. She 100% deserved alimony. Side note in response to something someone said earlier: please keep in mind that investing/having some income, etc is often not an option for people, especialllly when being the stay at home parent. "You should always have investments working for you" How naive.
Also, I believe it should go both ways. And while it "officially" goes both ways, I think its terrible that our laws quite automatically favor the women when it comes to custody and alimony. The laws and how they are treated need to be updated.
EY1 like your attitude. Can we discuss this more. Also it will be helpful for the discussion if we know your ASL.
@D2 - OP didn't specify consultants. And if any consultant got married and gave up a six figure salary to raise kids and got shafted at the end with a divorce, they should get alimony.
Ah, Thanks PwC4. I definitely imagined the two being the same/the money being used for the same purposes.
I call it naive because it sounds like you expect everyone to have that capability. Yes, education & understanding are a huge factor in whether or not someone will know/take the chance at investing. But what it sounds like you are missing is that a large portion of the population simply cannot invest money because they have none to invest. In many families, whether one or both parents work, putting aside any money at all is not an option because the immediate need of housing, clothing, & feeding their families is first priority.
Although I'm not sure the % received is always justified - case by case basis I'd say
I get what you all mean, but that's where most people need more education on personal financial literacy. You can't expect to survive on one stream of income, ever, no matter how much it is. You should always have investments working for you.
And I'm 27/F/SF
@D2 - give yourself a pat on the back.
The fact is there are more women than man who live below the poverty line, more women then men fall under the extreme poverty definition, more single women than married and majority of elderly below poverty line primary because their lack of earned income. Either women never trust their SO's and never leave the workforce to protect themselves against future poverty or they get alimony. May the odds be ever in your favor.
I will answer this question differently when women gets paid as much as men. And no, the world isn't limited to just consulting.
For now, If both parties agreed at one point of their lives that one of them will give up career and take care of the family, then it is fair for that party to request alimony. Especially when the other party is never home to raise their children. I will never be a stay home mom and i respect those who are. And they do deserve support because they sacrificed their career to raise your kids.